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She goes hot and cold ...

Richie wrote:

I'm a 25 year old male, she's a female of the same age. We've know each other for about five years and although when I first met her I had a crush on her, It slowly developed into a deep and close friendship. I know things about her past that only one or two others know, we were there for each other though breakups and for everything.

About 18 months ago she went on a 12 month trip overseas. It was part way though that she started emailing both myself and my parents (who she'd only met briefly a few times before). After some time it became clear that the purpose of her emails was to explore the possibility of a relationship.

Upon her return I visited her in her hometown, stayed at her parents house (first male to ever do this). A few months later she reciprocated and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together after discussing that this would just be 'trial' to see how things were. This is where things started to go strange, she started knitpicking every move I made. Nothing I did was good enough in public, but she was sweet as pie whenever we were alone together.

I should probably say at this point that I'm also due to go on a long term trip overseas, we discussed this and agreed that she should join me after a few months.

Once she returned home however, she stopped calling often and when she did was very blunt and was giving just one word answers. Whenever I asked about her life she said that she felt like I am trying to analyze her and to stop (this had never been a problem before). She's also noncommittal about the previously discussed travel plans. She sounded very unhappy. So I decided to send a gift to her house. She posted the photos of her holding it on her Facebook profile and called and texted saying thank you and how loved she felt.

Then, she said that her parents feel that things are getting too serious and that i shouldn't send anything. So, I gave her space again and now she wont call me back, she doesn't text and I don't hear from her at all.

I love her very much and I don't want to lose her from my life but I'm not sure what to do. I'm going overseas very soon and although I know she's currently applying for a job there I have no idea whats going on and how she's feeling
about me. Has she moved on? Should I? Please help

Dear Richie

It's hard to know what's going on, because you have not reported on any discussion you ever had with her. I suspect that one or other of you has been slow to commit, and that has caused the problem - but I'm not at all sure.

It is interesting that your tile was "Slept With A Friend", as if that one event was all that mattered to you in the relationship. Was it?

You really need to talk to her - or at least try to. And I mean really talk. find out what she wants; if it's over, she should be able to say so.

I'm sorry I can't add more, but I feel I know a fair bit about your travel arrangements, and very little about the relationship!

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