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My Brother is a Loser

Valentine wrote:

My brother finished school two years ago, hung around with the wrong type of people, smokes, takes drugs, drinks and after a month at college, he quit and doesn't want to go back. He has no job, is not helping out my mum and dad with rent and is eating us out of house and home. He is not looking for a job and my dad has had enough of him, so much so that he says he hates him and when he sees him he is just horrified by how his son has turned out.

My dad left for a couple of weeks a few months ago because my mum and him are constantly arguing about my brother. This is because my mum is doing what a typical mum does and is sticking up for him, she lets him get away with everything though and lets him bully her into giving him things like money and cigarettes. However, my dad came back as my brother vowed to change his attitude but my brother is just the same as he was, stealing money, talking to everybody like rubbish and nobody can put up with him.

My nana can't even take him in now as she and her husdband are arguing over my brother as he used to steal my grandad's money and tobacco and doesn't want him around.

The thing is, its like my brother doesnt even realise that hes tearing our family apart and we don't know what to do and how to make my brother change his attitude. any advice? Thanks,

Dear Valentine,

Start by being honest with yourself - your brother is a loser. Until you face that rather obvious fact, you will continue to go around in circles, as you are in denial about the problem.

Let's be clear, he doesn't always have to be a loser; he can still change. But that's up to him. He chooses his life, his behaviour, and his friends.

You as a family have to accept that he's a loser, and you also have to accept that you cannot change him - that's his job.

What you can control is how you deal with it, and he's cleasrly exploiting the fact that you are all reracting in different ways, allowing him to divide and conquer. Every day.

You don't say how old you are, or how much influence you have - but if you canget the family to discuss his problems (and the ones he causes you) openly and honestly, then the process of working together to protect yourselves can start.

And who knows, if you all stick together, he just might see some advantage in changing.

But even if he doesn't, surely it's time you all stopped him from ruining your lives?

"Honest Advice"

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