Unfriendly friend from overseas

Steve wrote:

I have a friend from overseas. We have been friends for seven years. He lives in Milan and I live in Brisbane, Australia.

I flew him to visit me in Melbourne for ten days. I am quite comfortable and could afford it. I like to be generous with my friends.

On his last night in Australia, we went out for dinner with friends. Afterwards, he and my friends went out to a nightclub. He met someone and didnt come home for an entire day. His plane home departed at 5pm. He missed this plane and I had to reschedule for him, incurring fees and charges.

I was also due to fly away with work the next day. I called work and explained that my friend was missing and that I had to cancel my flight the next day as I needed to remain in Brisbane to look for him. I lodged a missing person's report with the police and called all the hospitals. I was frantic. My friend then comes home at about 7.30pm. He would not talk to me other than to say he "crashed at a guy's place from drinking too much" and this guy helped him get a new flight later in the week. I was so angry I left the apartment and returned an hour later.

At about 10pm his new friend called and I answered the phone. He asked to speak to my overseas friend who was asleep at the time. I told him to go away (sanitised version) because I had been put through hell that day and wanted to sleep.

This person then came to the apartment, left an abusive letter for me, along with a letter for my overseas friend. I received them next morning. I made the stupid mistake of calling this person from my mobile phone. I subsequently received the most abusive and disgusting text messages from this person. I have subsequently been told by people who know this person that he is a major cocaine addict.

When my friend woke up he was aggressive and angry. I again left the apartment and returned an hour later. He was then quite meek and remorseful. I explained that I rescheduled his flight to later in the week. He thanked me.

I then left again to run an errand. When I returned he just got off the phone from his new friend and discovered that I did not pass on the message nor a letter from the night before. His new friend then arrived at the aprtment building and they went off for about an hour. His new friend was aggressive and rude to the apartment building's reception staff, calling the manager a cheap whore who was running a dodgy residence. I was informed of this later in the day by the manager.

Whilst my overseas friend was away talking with his new friend I was so angry I foolishly placed all my friend's belongings in the hallway. When my friend returned, I was apologetic for doing this and brough them all back inside. By then it was too late. My friend packed and left to go and stay with his new friend, even though his new friend had been, and continued to, send me abusive text messages. I showed these messages to my overseas friend. he didnt seem to care.

My friend has since returned to Milan. I have tried to communicate with him but only receive the most outrageously nasty and hateful emails. All he can focus on is that I didnt pass on a letter and message, and placed his belongings in the hallway. He does not in anyway acknowledge all I did for him the day he disappeared. Annoyingly, his new friend lives about ten minutes walk from my apartment building. He could have easily returned or at least called me to let me know he was safe.

Have I done anything wrong?

Dear Steve

I'm trying to figure out one thing you did right.

I'm guessing you don't own the guy, and you are not married to him, so I'm wondering why you think you can control his life.

"I like to be generous with my friends"

Oh yeah? From where I'm sitting, it looks like you rented his time for your entertainment, and then got jealous. The way you treated him was not what I call friendly, and you disrespected both him and his new friend.

You deceived him and tried to upset him, then wonder why he got upset? Duh?

No-one made you spend money on him; you chose to. But all the money in the woprld doesn't buy you the right to control 'friends' - if control is what you want, try an escort agency.

If you feel he was using you, all you had to do was ask him to leave. It's no good whining about him being unreasonable when you were twice as unreasonable.

Just out of interest, why are you still pursuing him?