Response to Patricia
Yes it was very sad for the child to witness family arguments as anyone knows. However we are human beings with all our weaknesses and human failings.
Sadly today's young mothers are so brainwashed by "The Radical Feminist Movement " that they are unrecognizable as " Mothers , Adult Daughters to their Parents who loved and raised them and Wives to their Husbands including of course respect for his family .
First of all a Family (including broader family not just two adults and two kids ) needs to think as a GROUP! The love for children does not end at adulthood! Young women do not need to try to posess their partners , this is jealous behavior. We never own any human being it is idol worship. The love a Son has for his extended family is no threat to his wife whatsoever. It is a different kind of love for everyone.
I am personally right now being accused by my Daughters defector of trying to turn her son against her! He is my grandson who I love dearly and who bonded with me as a Grandson from a young age.My Daughter is so disrespectful towards me and my choices are to be abused in front of Grandsons by her words or to defend my self-respect and be made unwelcome at their place.
Young people need to learn to love the older generation as we respected our parents. Telling your Parents how to behave and what to say and where and when to smoke etc. is not going to be accepted by Mature adults who have been around twice as long as you have.
Young Children need loving Grandparents to be a warm and continuous presence in their little lives and this can never be in this 21st century New Age society.
If this was an ideal world, I would agree with you about 95%. But it isn't; Families often do not 'need' their grandparents the way they once did, and that, sad to say, is their choice.
You are a guest in their group, and if you take sides in arguments, undermine your inlaws, or undermine the parents in their kids' eyes, then you are abusing your position.
Okay, if they are abusive to their kids, then it's a different story - but, short of that, how they choose to bring up their kids is their business and theirs alone; your stirring the pot will simply make it more difficult. You may not like the inlaw - but your child chose that person. Get over it.
Turn the whole thing on it's head - control your resentment, help them bring up their kids their way, and you'll be welcome in their home; you can bring them closer, rather than trying to wreck the marriage, and the kids will grow up respecting you, and respecting their parents because you do.
How do you think the kids will learn good values, if you teach them to be disloyal to their won parents?
Read the post that got Frank writing