He Won't Marry Me

Martha wrote:

My man and I have been together for 12 years. Between the two of us we have five children. (ready made family) nine years ago he asked me to marry him, some day.

I got 1/2 carat diamond ring for my birthday two days ago. He wants me to wear it on my left hand ring finger, but he said he won't marry me.

I feel as though I'm being cheated and wasting my time. I'm tired of playing house. I do love him more than anything on this Earth.

Why am I good enough to be just his girlfriend and not his wife? Neither of us have been married before. All that's going to change is my name.

What should I do if anything at all. I am so heartbroken it's starting to feel like depression. Not to mention that he gave me the ring in front of all of our friends. I feel humiliated. I was lead to believe we were going to get married in 2010. I asked him if we could plan a wedding for then and he said no.

Broken Hearted and Confused

Dear Martha

First, look at things from his POV; he's got all he needs, why would he marry you?

Second, why ask now, not before you moved in with him?

Third, are you prepared to leave him if he won't marry you?

I don't know him, but most men will take the easier option, most would argue "It's great, why rock the boat?"

And there is some logic to that. If marriage was so important, why did you wait twelve years? What - in your view - will change if you do marry?

You could threaten to leave him, and that might work - but suppose it doesn't?

At this time, all I can suggest is counselling, if he won't discuss the situation with you. But you need to be clear about why; is this a battle iof control, or will it really make a difference?