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He won't commit ...

Venus wrote:

I have been dating this guy for almost two years now (it will be two years in May). We have a good relationship and get along very well. He is three years younger than me (I am 33 years old). I have my own place and he still lives at home with his parents. He is an only child and when I first met him all he cared about was going out and his car.

As time went own he has matured a lot. We practically live together but without any of the responsibilities on his part. He stays over about five nights out of seven. About four months ago I started to tell him that I wanted us to have a more stable relationship and that I wanted to move forward. He said he wanted the same thing and that I was the woman he wanted to marry and live with. I waited for a sign on his part.

In December I exploded and told him that I needed more that I was tired of being the way it was. I asked him to really think about what he wanted out of his life and to tell me. I also told him to take some days to think about it. A couple of days later he invited me out to dinner and told me tat he wanted to commit and that in January we would start to live together.

Now January has come around and I am waiting for him to make a move. I asked two days ago what his plans were and when was he planning to move in. He answered me oh! We have time lets no rush things. He even accused me of pressuring him. I reminded him of our conversation in December. He told me not to worry that things were going to happen, that I needed to wait and let things happen and that two years is not a long time.

I asked him if he was happy and if I was the woman he wanted to marry. He answered yes. So, then I asked what are we waiting for…. He couldn’t give me an answer. Our conversation ended there, and it was back to our usual life. Yesterday he called me at work and told me that he has booked two trips one in May to Milan and the other in June to Madeira. This February we are already going to Berlin. I don’t think he takes me seriously. I don’t know what to do anymore…

Please help!!!

Dear Venus

He is who he is. Either there's a problem with the relationship (which you don't know / won't address), or there's a problem with him.

You need to ask yourself if he really is the guy for you; are you prepared to walk away if he won't give in?

Let's face it, you HAVE been pressuring him (read what you wrote), and he's not taken a blind bit of notice.

Realise, too, that if he moves in, what on Earth is going to make him marry you? If marriage is on your agenda (and not necessarily true, see:

Above all, remember that he is who he is; the details may change, but the underlying person probably will not. Good Luck!

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