The need to say "I Love You"

Annabelle wrote:

Okay, just to start, I know everything in this is completely nonsensical. I can't begin to explain why I think or feel anything anymore and it's partially embarrassing - so much that I refuse to ask anywhere else.

Now, yes, another love question? Of course. What else in this world is as confusing and unexplainable than that single feeling?

For about two years I've known this man, or well, I've at least known his face and name - nothing more. About six months ago, I was hit (over about the period of a week) with all these feelings about him. My best friend has been infatuated with him for the entire two years I've known him and she's probably the reason I'd ever given him a second glance. She angers me sometimes with the words she says about him. She claims to be his 'soulmate' when she's been in at least four relationships in the past two years and she's currently in one with a girl. (She a very odd individual; she says she'd die for all of these people, yet she honestly treats them like complete crap, but that's for another day.)

These feelings I have for this certain male can't be simple lust or a crush. Throughout my life time, I've been in only two short-lived relationships. Nothing compares to the feeling I have now. I desperately hold on to the line 'If it were just a passing crush, why wasn't I struck with it when I first saw him?'

Is that not true? I've decided it is.

There's only two things that stand in my way - my friend and the fact he's, it's hard to explain, but I'll just say he's unreachable right now.

Recently, I think I've decided that when the time comes and I'm standing in front of him again, I'll tell him everything - regardless of my friend. If she really cares about either of us, our happiness should overcome it all.

Still... I've had way too much time to think it over. I don't understand why I love him, but I certainly do. I don't think anyone else in the entire world has a harder time admitting they love someone - I've told no one and just typing this is scary as hell.

Even though I feel so strongly for him (and he is single, by the way) what if I actually get there and he says he doesn't feel the same? I'm risking everything with those three words. Some days I want to hate him so bad, but I refrain in fear that if I do that God, or whatever, won't see that this is all that's real to me. I want to believe that my entire life was created to, in the end, finally reach true happiness and be with the one I love. You see, all through my life, I've been severely depressed. Nothing really seemed ... worthwhile. My friend was like a candle in a darkened house, whereas he was like the sun.

How could something so right feel so, so wrong?

Then again, I feel like other's may see me as a silly girl with a crush.

If this is a crush... just shoot me now, the thought of real love scares the hell out of me.

Having said that, my question is: Is it worth risking my life, my friend, my everything for? Or, it is just something normal, something I'll have to deal with, something I should just let go?

I don't want to feel like, 'Oh, I should do this because I have nothing better.' anymore.

Dear Annabelle

You don't have to say 'I Love You' as a conversation opener; it's usually better to introduce yourself first.

Indeed, as you seem to have no idea how he feels, much better to keep your mouth firmly shut.

Your feelings are strong enough to waken the dead, but where relationships are concerned, best to involve TWO people. Why not make friends with him first, and take it from there ... that way, if he doesn't feel the same, you'll have risked nothing, lost nothing, and gained a friend.

Shooting your mouth off would gain nothing, risk scaring him (however he feels), and leave you wide open to humiliation. Why on Earth would you act like that?