The need to say "I Love You"
just to start, I know everything in this is completely nonsensical. I can't begin
to explain why I think or feel anything anymore and it's partially embarrassing
- so much that I refuse to ask anywhere else.
Now, yes, another love question?
Of course. What else in this world is as confusing and unexplainable than that
For about two years I've known this man, or well, I've
at least known his face and name - nothing more. About six months ago, I was hit
(over about the period of a week) with all these feelings about him. My best friend
has been infatuated with him for the entire two years I've known him and she's
probably the reason I'd ever given him a second glance. She angers me sometimes
with the words she says about him. She claims to be his 'soulmate' when she's
been in at least four relationships in the past two years and she's currently
in one with a girl. (She a very odd individual; she says she'd die for all of
these people, yet she honestly treats them like complete crap, but that's for
These feelings I have for this certain male can't be simple
lust or a crush. Throughout my life time, I've been in only two short-lived relationships.
Nothing compares to the feeling I have now. I desperately hold on to the line
'If it were just a passing crush, why wasn't I struck with it when I first saw
Is that not true? I've decided it is.
There's only two things
that stand in my way - my friend and the fact he's, it's hard to explain, but
I'll just say he's unreachable right now.
Recently, I think I've decided
that when the time comes and I'm standing in front of him again, I'll tell him
everything - regardless of my friend. If she really cares about either of us,
our happiness should overcome it all.
Still... I've had way too much time
to think it over. I don't understand why I love him, but I certainly do. I don't
think anyone else in the entire world has a harder time admitting they love someone
- I've told no one and just typing this is scary as hell.
Even though I
feel so strongly for him (and he is single, by the way) what if I actually get
there and he says he doesn't feel the same? I'm risking everything with those
three words. Some days I want to hate him so bad, but I refrain in fear that if
I do that God, or whatever, won't see that this is all that's real to me. I want
to believe that my entire life was created to, in the end, finally reach true
happiness and be with the one I love. You see, all through my life, I've been
severely depressed. Nothing really seemed ... worthwhile. My friend was like a
candle in a darkened house, whereas he was like the sun.
How could something
so right feel so, so wrong?
Then again, I feel like other's may see me as
a silly girl with a crush.
If this is a crush... just shoot me now, the
thought of real love scares the hell out of me.
Having said that, my question
is: Is it worth risking my life, my friend, my everything for? Or, it is just
something normal, something I'll have to deal with, something I should just let
I don't want to feel like, 'Oh, I should do this because I have nothing
You don't have to say 'I Love
You' as a conversation opener; it's usually better to introduce yourself first.
as you seem to have no idea how he feels, much better to keep your mouth firmly
Your feelings are strong enough to waken the dead, but where relationships
are concerned, best to involve TWO people. Why not make friends with him first,
and take it from there ... that way, if he doesn't feel the same, you'll have
risked nothing, lost nothing, and gained a friend.
Shooting your mouth off would
gain nothing, risk scaring him (however he feels), and leave you wide open to
humiliation. Why on Earth would you act like that?