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Friends Are Forever, Unless They Aren't ...

Leanne wrote:

I have this problem with friends at school. Last year I got involved in some gossip and now, this girl I know believes everything people tell her about me because we have lost trust with each other. I will NEVER be in gossip again but she is still holding on to all the old problems and we no longer trust each other. What should I do? Not be her friend anymore? Re-gain trust? I need help!

I don't know if you need my age but I'm 13.

Dear Leanne,

Friends can be forever, unless they choose not to be.

By joining in the gossip, you betrayed a trust, in effect YOU chose not to be a friend, and now you are regretting it.

So be clear about who is at fault here. It really can take years to build up trust and real friendship - and it really can take seconds to destroy it.

Do you really want her friendship? Why is that? And if there's a good reason now, why wasn't that good enough when you betrayed her?

Is there really a chance to save the friendship, rebuild that trust?

If so, start by discussing what happened; tell her that you are really sorry, that you understand how she must have felt (do you understand?).

And ask her if you can be friends again.You say you will never be in gossip again ... is that true? Can she trust you now?

She will expect you to make promises - don't do that unless you really can keep them.

And never forget that you have not only broken her trust, you have shown other people that maybe you cannot be trusted. That's not a nice reputation to have, so I hope you have learned - even if it was learning the hard way.

Good Luck!

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