I fell in love with my best friend
it clearly. More than two years ago, I slowly fell in love with my best friend.
I questioned myself over the past two years: "Is this love? Is this just
a crush? Shouldn't I move on?" I never understood why I had to feel like
this. It all began with a sleepover and me nearly confessing my odd strange feelings
for her. She did not understand at first, almost half asleep, but then she understood.
I liked her. I loved her. We were young, and when I say young, I really mean young.
Too young to even realize what love is. We were twelve. Young, right?
fill you in, she moved out of the state a little bit after the sleepover. That
is when she sent that letter, "confessing" that she liked me back]
was too soon for me to get confused with my sexuality. It was too soon for me
to fall or crush for someone. There are days when I regret my decision to keep
loving her, and then there are days when I absolutely despise what happened. Over
last year, I constantly wondered what she thought of me. Did she still like me?
Is she over me? Does she still think of me, like I do? Does she have a boyfriend
or maybe even a GIRLfriend?
There were times when my feelings piled up
so high, that they had to be left out and I either emailed her//instant messaged
her//or wrote letters. Last year, it was in October. It was a late cold winter
night. I was home alone, instant messaging her, almost tired out of my mind. We
were just talking when I mentioned the letters and my feelings.
me she had moved on, and I should do that very soon before I go crazy. She told
me that I will find someone and that it can be over. I replied back saying, okay
fine then, I'll move on. She just had to say that SHE could not do so. How could
she have said that right after that? It made me confused and I am sure it made
her confused also. I did not understand her yet I was the only person who she
actually opened up to.
Fast forward to a week ago.
It happened again
and I opened up all over again. She said she liked some [of the male gender also]
while I was still "obsessing" over her entire everybody. It hurt like
a son of a bitch. And it bit my hand and bled. It is not awkward for her, I don't
think. But it feel so weird to talk to her when I feel my feelings for her at
every second of our conversations. She repeated her self, telling me that I will
find someone else. But how can I do that when I've already fallen so hard and
far since those two years ago? I've even fallen out of this, falling for someone
else. Yet I ALWAYS find a way to fall back for her.
I'm alone in this. I
cannot talk to my other friends or even my family. They are not the type to understand
that their friend//daughter//sister is going through a mental breakdown. Yes,
I said mental breakdown. Since her rejection, I have had several breakdowns, i.e,
crying for no complete reason, feeling down all of a sudden, and giving attitude
to a person who I was just happily talking to. I've even purposely hurt myself
because of her and some family problems.
I've never asked anyone this.
there any chance for her to feel something again for me?
Should I just move
Am I just a complete obsessive idiot?
PS Excuse all of
the spelling//grammar mistakes. It's 1 30 in the morning, and I should be sleeping
or either crying myself to sleep
It's not love.
Love takes two.
It may be that you are simply lonely, and so your crush has
become an obsession; it may be that you have a problem with relationships, and
you are using this fictional one as an excuse to avoid any real commitment to
a real person. It may be something else. But it is not love.
She isn't even
much of a friend, and unless she's tried hard to get you to move on, and you've
chosen to ignore that.
Two years is a long time, especially at your age, when
there are plenty of real people to have real relationships with.
You are wasting
your life, and that's a shame. Move on; and if you cannot move on, then seek help
- you have a problem.