I'm in love with my girlfriend's male cousin

Kale wrote:

I'm with am amazing girl, Beth. I have been with her for over two months now, but we have had a mutual crush for months and months before the actual relationship begun. Up to this point, she's the best girl I have ever been with. I can really see us going places.

There is a guy, named Jacob, who I've been friends with for a while. I've known him longer than Beth, and in fact he helped introduce us. Ever since I've met Jacob I've had feelings for him. I do not know where these feelings are coming from, but I feel so unbelievably passionate about him. He is Beth's cousin.

Now, my sexuality is a big train wreck. For the most part, I'm straight. I guess. Well, probably not.

I know when guys are good-looking or not, and sometimes I "think" about them sexually, but Jacob is a different story. I felt for him as I do for Beth now within the first month of Jacob and I's friendship.

I am not out. Only one of my friends, Mary, knows where my sexuality stands. I live in a very closed-minded town, with a generally closed-minded family. I've receive death threats from kids at my highschool for just being accused of being gay. However, Jacob recently came out as to being bisexual. That only strengthened the feeling I have for him.

Last night I told him how I felt. He said nothing could be done about it because I am with Beth, but the feelings are mutual.

Now, I am stuck. What do I do Anon? Please help me.

Dear Kale

I don't think it's ever right to deliberately deceive people who care about you; OK, maybe the occasional little white lie.

But not a total deceit of the kind you are playing with.

And, of course, deceiving yourself is just plain stupid - "she's the best girl I have ever been with. I can really see us going places" and "Last night I told him how I felt."

You don't need my advice; you know that Beth deserves better than you, and you know that your feelings are for her cousin.

I'm guessing that it's not advice you need, but courage. You are certainly not the first man stuck in the closet; and you won't be the last, though your species is on the road to extinction. This is the 21st century. You are who you are.Live with it - and even if you cannot, at least don't try to make others suffer in your place.