After six years, I'm in love with his best friend
I was in search of some honest advice and I stumbled across your web-site and
found it to be quite comforting. Right now I am going through a really hard situation
- for which I take complete responsibility.
I have been with my boyfriend
for six years and we have twins together. At the beginning of our relationship
he was a liar- cheater- drug user- thief - you name it. He has grown up completely
and now is a hard-working loving father.
But as for my feelings for him,
I have always taken extreme pride in my honestly and faithfulness. He was my first
kiss and so on. But now I feel drained and like it's too little to late - just
when he's turned around and adores me.
Not to mention his best friend who
I've always had a crush on but never dared to reveal - not even to my best friend.
About a month ago I was visiting our home town where the best friend lives and
my boy friend and I were going through a rough time - to put it shortly I ended
up hanging out with his best friend for three nights in a row- never doing more
I then decided I was going to leave my boyfriend and move
back home - as morally concious of a person I am I felt that I would not have
gone out of my way to have this happen with his friend had I not wanted to leave
But shortly after I returned to him and didnt speak to his friend
at all. Now a month later things have not improved with the boyfriend and I am
back in town visiting. It just so happened that over the weekend his best friend
was in town from work so we hung out... and I slept with him.
years of being faithful and true I slept with his best friend. And I trully believe
I have feelings for this guy. I've always been attracted to him physically and
just his whole personality- he is a great guy. But then I think about it and what
great guy would sleep with his best friends girlfriend/mother of his kids?!
my question for you isn't if I should leave my boyfriend, because I know I couldn't
live with myself to go back to him and know what I did - that and I'm just not
in love with him anymore. My question is this - can it work between his best friend
He has been there through all the shit my boyfriend has done. He
was around when I was pregnant and all. I can't figure out if he was an ass-hole
for sleeping with his best friends girlfriend or if he knew what all my boyfriend
had done and wanted to be there for me and be what he isn't. Does that even make
I can tell he is scared to move forward with me b/c of my boyfreind
and he has said aloud that he feels bad about what we are doing, and I agree.
But does that mean we should stop? I feel like I should wait a awhile then maybe
give him a shot later but you only live once and he just seems so right.
I have one small question, when him and I hang out it's always alone at his house,
never out anywhere - do you think this is because he is taking advantage of me
in my position and wants to just - well you know - or is it because he's afraid
of who will see us and my boyfriend finding out? I really hope you read this and
respond. Thanks so much for your time!
a 'grown up and loving father' is too little, too late? You put up with the crap
for years, and now it's his fault you've seduced his best friend? Or did he seduce
you? Yes, he's been there through the shit, and he's still hanging around now.
get me wrong; I do understand how the 'innocent' party in anabusive relationship
can get 'relationship fatigue' just as things turn around for the 'once guilty'
- but whatever you think of your husband, he HAS made that effort, he HAS turned
around - and if you do leave him - which is your right - I suspect he deserves
a little better than a kick in the face.
Only you can find a way through this
swamp - and you'll only do it if you start being honest with yourself, and hopefully
Try thinking about the two issues as separate. If you want to
leave your husband, then do so - but think first about the twins, consider if
there's anything that might make you stay - and if there is, think about counselling
or whatever it takes. But you owe it to yourself, the children - and your husband
- to sort all that out.
Then, and only then, think about more than sex with
the 'friend'. If he's still around. If he isn't, at least you'll know. But your
marriage is none of his business. And, at this moment, neither are your children.
So sort that side of life out first.
The sex can wait.