Gambling husband, Alzheimers mother
and I took in my mother five years ago because she has Alzheimers. We have been
married six years. It's been very hard taking care of my mother and he has had
an injury at work that caused him to be "disabled". He receives a disability
check every month and could work some but doesn't.
He does, on the other
hand, keep my mother company during the day most of the time. He is what ever
woman would want - he cooks, he cleans, he runs errands, buys groceries, etc.
He is very even tempered and funny.
He also has a gambling problem and
he lies to me about stuff that doesn't even matter, such as selling a truck that
he was trying to sell, and then lying to me saying it was on a lot for consignment.
I found out he sold it outright. I asked if the bill came from IRS and he said
no when it was right on his dresser. I just don't get it.
I work about
55 hours a week and try to stay on top of all the bills and credit cards that
we once could afford until his disability. The days I'm off, I take care of my
mom and do transcription at home. He got a $40,000 settlement six months ago,
and it is gone.
We are supposed to be saving to help build a cabin with
my father. He thinks because he will be doing a lot of the work, financially he
doesn't need to contribute. I will have to contribute the money which I barely
have $18,000 saved up for but he tries to call all the shots on what will be done.
He is going to be 60 in three days and I just turned 53. Part of me wants
to leave him, part of me says I have it made and should just ignore his lies and
keep on. I just don't know anymore. He does take a lot of weight of my shoulders
with all he does but it feels like double weight when I catch him in a lie ...
In many ways, you are stuck between a
rock and hard place ... only you can decide which is easier to cope with.
if you decide to keep him around, you need to change the rules. He doesn't get
to call any shots if doesn't contribute. And, of course, you need to make sure
he doesn't drain your future as well as his own.
If you decide that enough is
enough (and no-one would blame you), then plan carefully first, and get legal,
accounting and health care advice first.
Good Luck to you.