I Was Unfaithful To My Wife

Howard wrote:

After over 30 years of marriage, with three wondeerful, now grown-up children, I was unfaithful to my wife. Not once.

I saw a woman I contacted on Friends Reunited (not a former girlfriend). When working away from home, after an initial meeting, I saw here about 6 or 7 times in 2005. Worse, working in Europe I got her to come out and see me for a weekend, and we even went to a hotel in a popular destination city for one night.

I really cannot explain why I was so stupid. I do not dispute that all the fault and blame attaches to me. My wife found out. Everything is my fault. I do not want to get divorced. My wife tried to cope with this for a while, but now says she wants a divorce.

She cannot bear to think of me with that woman (she has seen a website photo, but never met her) She asks me "What was it like to be with that woman" etc. I have no idea how to answer this.

She has every right to want a divorce, but is there anything I can say or do to save us. I do tell her how much I regret what I did, how I have no feelings with that woman, and I do tell her I love her, but things are almost at breaking point.

Dear Howard

If you are sure you want the marriage to last, and you feel you've done your best to no avail, then ask your wife if she would consider joint counselling.

This does not guarantee anything; indeed, it may firm up her intention to divorce. But it will help her - and you - to clarify your feelings about each other and about the marriage.

Be clear, you cannot turn back the clock, and the sacrifices you may need to make to preserve the marriage may be more than you bargained for.

But counselling is the best way to know for sure. And if she's unwilling to try, then i suspect her mind is made up.