I Want To Be Her Girlfriend
I met Jean
during a family trip this past March. We met while in line to be in a television
show audience. We ended up chatting for hours while in line. Anyways
was in town with my family just for the weekend, and she was living there for
work for a few months. She ended up offering my family and I a ride to the airport
the next day.
We had exchanged phone numbers and sent texts to each other
asking how are you? and whatnot (nothing much at all) over the course
of the rest of the spring, and then the summer. More and more texts were exchanged,
and in August, right after she broke up with her girlfriend, she invited me to
her house for a pool party.
At the pool party, we all ended up drinking,
and that night, Jean asked me to sleep in her bed. We ended up fooling around,
but did not have sex. She initiated it all. We cuddled and sleep together in her
bed. Over the course of the next few months, I began visiting nearly every other
weekend. We began calling each other several times a day, and having very long
sometimes going on as long as two or more hours.
night, after fooling around, she asked if I was sleeping with anyone else. I told
her no. She told me she wasnt either and hadnt been. In October, she
invited me to her cousins big Halloween party. We went there together, slept
in her cousins spare bed together (cuddled, no sex), and had a wonderful
time in general. When she drives me to the airport, sometimes she puts her hand
on my thigh or hold my hand. She never kisses me goodbye, just hugs. We still
talk every single day, and when we arent on the phone with each other, we
text a lot.
Now here is the PROBLEM. One day, I texted Jean and told her
that I regretted not having kissed her when I said goodbye at the airport (thinking
that shed say something to the same effect back.) She responded by saying
that I could have kissed her, but that she is NOT on the market for something
serious. I responded telling her I really like her, or something like that.
November, Jean invited me to an early Thanksgiving dinner at her familys
house (a week prior to the real Thanksgiving). I said yes, and in turn, invited
her also to my familys Thanksgiving. I ended up going with her, and I met
her parents and sister and all that jazz. She turned down my invitation because
she had to go to her grandparents for the real Thanksgiving.
One night we
were fooling around and she said, You realize Im going to have to
stop. (Meaning she wasnt going to have sex with me, just fool around
only). I told her this is something we should talk about. I asked her what serious
means to her, she said no commitment and more recently, I guess,
no sex. (Her and I do fool around quite heavily, and make out, and all that
kinda stuff, but never have actually had full-on sex with each other.)
asked Jean the next day if she would prefer to just be friends (and I mentioned
that we arent always very friendly with each other, meaning
that we go above and beyond that
). She said that friends is best
and that lots of times when people drink, they fool around. And thats another
time, every single time we have ever really fooled around, we have always have
some amount of alcohol before that. We arent usually DRUNK, just have lower
Jeans best friend / cousin who Ive met and hung
out with many times as well, told me that Jean adores me, but isnt really
ready for a relationship. And that I should give her some time.
Jean and I still talk EVERY SINGLE DAY, MULTIPLE times a day. AND text like crazy.
We call to tell each other anytime anything funny or big or serious happens in
our lives. We plan trips together, and talk about what sorts of things we should
do in the future, (example: camping, Europe trip, etc).
One time we had
a conversation and she said that she does not want to sleep with multiple people,
and she just wanted to make sure I knew that. She asked me if I was into that,
and I said no.
She just claims that in the past she has jumped into
relationships and is opposed to doing that again. She said she
isnt ready for one right now. She says that Im adorable.
She kisses me and holds me whenever I sleep over. She asks me big deep questions
and shows a serious interest in my life and my dreams and goals, etc.
I have heard her say many confusing and conflicting things. Once when she was
drinking I heard her say, IF I was single
Yet another time,
I overheard her say, Im not REALLY in a relationship. And still
another time she told me that a friend asked her if she had a girlfriend, and
she said no.
I am SO CONFUSED. I thought after four months of visiting her,
sleeping in her bed, meeting her family, talking to her several times daily, confiding
in her, kissing her, fooling around with her, holding her while she slept, etc.
we were girlfriends
But I guess Im wrong? If she says friends
is best should I tell her that when I visit again, I cannot sleep in her
bed, nor make out or fool around with her, or anything like that? Should I ask
her what girlfriend means to her? WHAT SHOULD I DO???
I am falling
in love with her and I thought she felt the same, and she tells me four months
into dating that she is not looking for anything serious. But I think that everything
I have mentioned above is enough criteria to be considered her girlfriend, no?
Except the sex part. But we DO fool around heavily, and nearly have sex all the
time. To me, sex is extra. A relationship is more about the connection and the
emotions. Or maybe thats just me.
Im SO confused and I would
REALLY appreciate any advice you could provide.
I don't know why you are confused. She doesn't want the the relationship you
want, and no amount of word games will change that. She's told you on several
By all means discuss how much you care for each other - and what
you want from each other, and what you are prepared to give.
But don't get sidetracked
into the definition of 'girlfriend'.
And prepare to be disappointed. It ain't
going to happen, is it?