I can't stand his best friend

Karla wrote:

I'm in my 20's and my BF and I have been dating for seven months. I am recently divorced about a year and a half ago and I went through a little bit of a wild time with alot of guys and going out right after my ex and I split up. When I got with my boyfriend, I told him everything right away (which was probably mistake #1, but I believe in honesty... so...). He was pretty hard on me about the mistakes I made, but since we've been together I've been completely faithful and good to him.

My problem is my mouth. I'm WAY too open with everyone - I will tell someone the best OR worst thing I've ever done if they ask. I'm just a really open person. So the first time he let me talk to his best friend, when we had been dating about 2 months, it was on the phone. I was completely wasted and said some REALLY inappropriate things about my boyfriend and I that I never would have said had I not been drunk. BF's friend decided I'm bad news and called me several names in the book. He has since NOT been a fan of me. So, we met in person and he treated me very nicely until he left and then he said I said more inappropriate things, which just is not the case. I was totally on my guard.

The best friend is a lying sack himself - he has been married for over 10 years and has been cheating on his wife for half of that with his next door neighbor's wife. He's definitely got no room to talk about bad decisions, but it seems like I just can't get past this with my boyfriend. I don't respect the friend and I honestly think he's a hypocritical ass who needs to take a hike. But I can't say that, obviously.

Is it possible to turn the tides on how his friend feels about me? I have apologized to my boy and told him I was wrong in the beginning and that I am trying really hard to be friends with this guy, but the friend sabotages me at every turn! What's the deal? Should I have it out with him?

Dear Karla

You've admitted you can't stand the guy, which is honest; and it isn't really a problem, because he can't stand you either.

The problem seems to be that you won't leave well alone.

Here's the thing. There's no law says you have to like his pals. Or that they have to loke you. It really doesn't matter, so long as you are honest, and don't get upset about it.

Just say to the BF "Me and Him can't stand each other, so please don't make too many plans that include all three of us, and I'll try not to embarass you - I'm sure he'll try too."

Then be reasonable. If you have to meet, keep it civil, keep it brief, and don't pretend. just be reasonable, and be honest.

Hopefully, he will be reasonable too, and honest. But even if he isn't, you continue to be reasobale, and honest.

If you both co-operate, then there's 70 years of peace ahead. If one of can't cope with reasonableness and honesty, then they will be the one that loses the BF's respect.

You see, he doesn't have to choose. He can have an Old Pal, and a Girl Friend. And expecting him to choose, or to play favourites, is NOT reasonable. He should be able to have both. And history says, if you force someone to choose, you likely won't get what you hoped for.

On the other hand, if the BF is being unreasonable, then it's time to find one who isn't.