I can't hug people
I'm not really sure how to
start this, so I suppose I'll be blunt: With exception to my family and partner,
I can't hug people. I have nothing against hugging, and I don't mind it at all
when people hug me. When it comes to me initiating a hug with a friend, however,
I can count the number of times I've done that with my fingers.
to the conclusion that I view hugs as being non-essential. I've been living life
believing that hugs provide consolation, but there are plenty of other ways to
help. Since I always fear that I'll be initiating a hug at an inappropriate time,
I almost never try to hug another person.
Now, don't get me wrong. I want
to hug others. I'm actually a fairly sensitive young man and care greatly for
those around me. I'm not planning on going about hugging random people off of
the street; these are friends I've known for years, friends that I've grown close
I could accept it if it was just a matter of me not knowing when to
hug another person, but there are times when it seems like it's clearly called
for. It didn't dawn on me how bad this has become until I had a friend that was
in tears. With no one else to turn to at the time, I talked to her and tried to
console her. Even though she was crying, I couldn't bring myself to give her a
I don't want to be like this. I want to be able to provide the sort
of comfort they're looking for.
What can I do to change this?
There are two kinds of people in the world, huggers and non-huggers;
you appear to be a non-hugger. The only problem is that you are a non-hugger who
Look around you; you'll find that many, many people are non-huggers,
outside of nearest and dearest.There's really no need to feel left out, deprived
And a 'forced hug' that felt bad would be infinitely worse than no
hug at all. Because that's the point - you think hugs are about you, the 'hugger'.
But they are not. Hugs are about being hugged.
And being hugged by someone who
would rather be in another room, is not a nice experience.
And your intentions
could be seriously misinterpreted.
Learn to accept your sad fate as a non-hugger;
maybe go further and be proud not to be hugging while others do so at the drop
of a hat.
But if you really feel the need to force physical contact against
your instincts, then start gently - pat an arm, hold a hand, whatever. But only
hug when you want to hug.
You are who you are - and you are not alone!