He Won't Marry Me
I have been dating a man
for 7 1/2 years, since I was 17 years old. A little over a year ago we bought
a house together. I told him I wanted this step but he made the first move. We
moved in and times have been troubled financially but better then ever between
the two of us.
He went though a phase where he was all into marriage and
he couldn't understand why I wanted to marry him (he always had sort of low confidence).
We are not the most fortunate couples when it comes to money nor would we ask
our parents to pay for a wedding so at once point we were talking about eloping.
Then things flip flop, where he said he could afford a ring (which he can't)
and we couldn't afford anything. His mom despiratly wants us to tie the knot so
I know she would help him with the ring part (not that I even need that, that
I am not stupid and I know what these excuses mean, he's not ready
... but after 7 1/2 years, I don't know how much more "girlfriend" I
can take. What do I do???
So why did you move in with
I'm not at all sure why you want to get married; you say things are better
than ever ... why change things? It's not a silly question: you may have a perfectly
good reason, but if so, you need to know what that reason is, you need to be sure.
if you want to challenge him (and you do), then you need to to be quite clear
what the issue is.
You say you aren't the richest of folk - that's honest; and
as you know, you don't need money to have a great relationship. So leave that
to one side.
It really does not matter what your Mom thinks. It doesn't. She's
your Mom, she'll love you whatever you decide, she just wants you to be happy.
If she's pushing you, she's pushing you because she knows that's what YOU want.
But the decision is between you and him. No one else, not his Mom or yours.
talk to him. Tell him the money doesn't matter, and tell him what does. And why.
And say that you want him to marry you.
But before you do all this, think very
carefully; what will you do if he says no? maybe it depends on his reasons; but
they may not make sense to you.
Are you really prepared to say 'wedding or nothing'
Because if you cannot answer that question without hesitation, then
you are not ready to make the threat.
Good Luck - but know where you are going
before you start this.