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I have a crush on my friend

Tom wrote:

OK, I know the following story may look really familiar to you, but I would really appreciate it if you would answer this specific problem. I have looked for stories that seemed the same, but I was not able to find it exactly as mine, some looked like it, but they weren´t the same.

I'm a 13 year old boy and Ii have a crush on my friend, which is a girl, a gorgeous girl. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was really little, I haven´t ever kissed and I don´t like that. I am not desperate, but I want a girlfriend, I want to hug her everytime I see her and I want to kiss her when I want to, I want to have someone that likes me.

I am kind of popular but I can remember any girl liking me, and this is because i am a friend of all the girls, but boys still like me as a friend, but i spend most of my time with girls. The thing is that I had a very big crush on my girl about two years ago, and she said she loved me as a friend. I sent her many love cards and looked COMPLETELY pathetic, so I tried to forget her, but I was unable. Sometimes, I thought i liked other girls, but I really wasnt. This girl started dating a guy but it didnt work out, and then she started liking another boy, but this one didnt like her back. Then she said she liked me but then didnt want to go out with me, i think that was just to forget the boy she liked.

Now im kind of sure I still like her, two years later, but i think she likes another boy. Everytime we talk about how I liked her, she says she should have given me a chance instead of going with the boyfriend I talked about before. I am pathetic, I dont know how to flirt well, all of my friends (guys) have been liked by girls even if they are ugly and not nice, all of them have french kissed, all of them know how to make a girl like them, and all of them have had girlfriends, serious ones.

Girls say that they don't like me because I'm their friend, and it is strange for them. Something I really dont like is that my brother has always been the boy girls LOVE, he can make a girl love him in NO TIME, it really pisses me off. WHY CANT I GET A GIRLFRIEND? WHY? IM NOT UGLY, IM REALLY NICE TO THEM, I KNOW HOW THEY THINK, I KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE, I WOULD BE PERFECT!

What should I do with all this mess, am I kind of crazy? I wait for your response faithfully, thankyou

Dear Tom

I feel your pain - none of us have been exactly where you are right now, but many of us have been somewhere close. And it's not nice.

And, worse still, there's no way I heard of to make it easier. One day it'll come right, is all.

I can give you a few thoughts, but you decide if they'll help.

1. Don't worry about what the boys say, most of them are boasting, and so what? It isn't a race.

2. If the girls see you as a friend, that's good. Friends last much longer than grlfriends, and being a friend is halfway there.

3. Having a girlfriend is not the same as owning a person - you WON'T be able to kiss her when you want - unless she does too. Sounds obvious, but respecting girls is so important. They won't thank you - but you'll always have an advantage over the other guys. You'll be the guy that notices their new dress, you'll be the guy that is interested in what they think. You'll be the guy they trust. Make it so. That matters. You'll thank me one day!

4. Worry less about what people say or might say - and think more about this boyfriend-girlfriend thing. What's it all about? Why do you want it so bad? Why this girl? And if she isn't interested, why are you making a fool of yourself? - keep the friendship, and drop the rest. Ok it hurts - but it won't hurt forever. Being silly about it will hurt for much longer.

Good Luck!

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