Is he hinting at marriage?
My boyfriend and I
have been together for over a year, and it's been great. We're open, we talk,
we're not overly-dependant on each other... Really I've been very lucky in this
relationship. Back in the beginning of the relationship, he told me he was planning
on never getting married again, never ever ever, largely because his relationship
with his first wife was horrible start to finish and left them both in pieces.
He's also fond of 'hypothetical' conversations, where the word tenses usually
stress "if", "would" and "might," largely pertaining
to how our families might get along if they met and such.
For the past
several months, we've both been helping our best friends with their wedding, and
the tone of his conversations have shifted, especially as he sees more and more
that I'm nothing like his ex-wife. His grandmother, the head of the family, has
even invited me to Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. Pillow-talk conversations
now include phrases like, "when our families meet," "I think this
person and this person will get along just fine" and comments about how our
families would react to certain things that each of us have always wanted in a
wedding. He brings up how much he wants to meet my father and brother, and how
he wants me to bond with his mother and grandmother, and how he'd like to share
his family with me because I don't really have any family members. And even though
he's adamently stated how much he doesn't want children, I watch him as he plays
with our friend's daughter and wanting to play with my little sisters and how
much he seems to love every minute of it as he gets more comfortable around them.
Because of how his first marriage went, I never bring up the topic of us
being or getting married or having children because I want him to know that he's
under no obligation or pressure, which is something that's caused previous breakups
with other girlfriends. But the fact that his tense has changed from "mights"
and "maybes" to "wills" and "whens," he has me seriously
wondering! He's usually the type to say what he wants, but he likes being subtle
and sneaky (in a good way). So with an outsider's perspective, would you say he's
hinting at possibilities of wanting to try marriage again with me in the futuer,
or does helping with the wedding just have him in a very romantic state?
He's not hinting at possibilities of wanting to try marriage; the
wedding just has you in a very romantic state.
Further, your views on
having children are insane. "He's adamently stated how much he doesn't want
children" - and unless he says otherwise, that holds. Just because he gets
on with other people's kids does not, for one nanosecond, suggest or imply that
he wants children of his own.
And I'll bet that most of the 'pillow talk' is
YOU talking and him going "mmmmm"
You cannot plan your life on fantasy;
he is what he is, he means what he says. Get over it. Or regret it slowly over