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Help Me Decode This Guy

Maggie wrote:

This man and I have flirted for a year and a half. We've become "friends" but never hang out because he's afraid that it will "lead to more."
I know that he's emotionally unavailable and respect that.

I enjoy his company and want to spend time with him as my buddy.
The rare few times that we have spent together talking, are always so serious and deep. He blamed me for that but is the one that asks the questions that bring up the deep topics.

The last time we talked, we argued over whether or not it was a date. I said that a date was when he picked me up to take me out, not meeting up to talk about something I needed him to help me with. He said that it in fact was a date and that was it.

Anyway, at the end of this rollercoaster of a non-date, he looked me in the eye and said "I don't want you, but I really really like YOU." Then he hugged me (by pulling me so close into him) and said "I'm sorry that you're only used to guys treating you badly. I don't want to be that jerk."

What does that mean?

Dear Maggie

It means "I don't want you, but I really really like YOU."

No more, no less.

You said "I know that he's emotionally unavailable and respect that."

So respect it. If it makes it easier, avoid situations that test it. Don't, for example, "meet up to talk about something I needed him to help me with" because that's NOT respecting his emotional unavailability.

In fact, it's asking for trouble. And while you claim concern over hurting him, it's you that will be hurt most, and you'll blame him. So you'll both lose a friend.

Stop playing mind games and stop teasing someone who is vulnerable - and cares about you. It's not nice, and it's going to end in tears. Yours.

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