Help Me Decode This Guy
This man and I have
flirted for a year and a half. We've become "friends" but never hang
out because he's afraid that it will "lead to more."
I know that
he's emotionally unavailable and respect that.
I enjoy his company and
want to spend time with him as my buddy.
The rare few times that we have spent
together talking, are always so serious and deep. He blamed me for that but is
the one that asks the questions that bring up the deep topics.
time we talked, we argued over whether or not it was a date. I said that a date
was when he picked me up to take me out, not meeting up to talk about something
I needed him to help me with. He said that it in fact was a date and that was
Anyway, at the end of this rollercoaster of a non-date, he looked me
in the eye and said "I don't want you, but I really really like YOU."
Then he hugged me (by pulling me so close into him) and said "I'm sorry that
you're only used to guys treating you badly. I don't want to be that jerk."
What does that mean?
It means "I don't
want you, but I really really like YOU."
No more, no less.
You said "I
know that he's emotionally unavailable and respect that."
So respect it.
If it makes it easier, avoid situations that test it. Don't, for example, "meet
up to talk about something I needed him to help me with" because that's NOT
respecting his emotional unavailability.
In fact, it's asking for trouble. And
while you claim concern over hurting him, it's you that will be hurt most, and
you'll blame him. So you'll both lose a friend.
Stop playing mind games and
stop teasing someone who is vulnerable - and cares about you. It's not nice, and
it's going to end in tears. Yours.