My Controlling Wife
My wife and I have been married
over 25 years, and our marriage is strong. The problem is that our friends are
beginning to avoid us because my wife is so dominationg in a group setting - never
stops talking, butts into conversations, wants to control the entire situation
(e.g. making sure the waiter splits checks appropriately, telling everyone what
the best item on the menu is, etc.) I have noticed this, and occasionally been
a bit embarrased, but didn't realize until recently how it puts our friends off,
when a couple of them approached me. We all care about my wife; she is kind and
caring, but this trait is only getting worse. How can I, or we, approach this
subject without devestating my wife or causing resentment toward our friends?
As you already know, there's no easy answer, and the longer you put
it off, the harder it will be. For both of you.
You need to talk to her, and
talk straight. Be sure you do not 'drop friends in it' by giving actual situations
- think ahead so that you can give her clear examples without blaming anyone but
Yes, you need to do that, to shield your mutual friends, or you'll
lose them. So you have to carry the blame.
Also be sure to repeat endlessly
that this is for her benefit, to save her from embarassment. You find it useful
to rehearse statements like "I feel that people are upset" rather than
ever saying "people are upset".
It will be unpleasant, and you'll
have to pick up the pieces (and the blame) for a long time to come.
should have acted long before now, shouldn't you?