My Boyfriend's Secret

Tamsin wrote:

This boy named Gary has my heart and we have been dating for a while .. he is really nice and easy to trust; sometimes I think he is afraid of commitment but that has never came between us.

Today he told me he needed to tell me something and he told me that he is not the man he appears to be (honestly I think he has mental problems.. he had a bad past I'm almost sure but when I ask him he says he don't remember).

I'm not desperate and dating a wack-job but he was serious he told me most of his life he acts like this nice guy when he really can't stand people and he hates falling in love and he didn't want to break my heart but he never wanted me to fall in love with him he said he don't want to upset me and he really does like me but then again I think this is all because he is afraid of commitment.

He don't want to fall in love and from what he was telling me he sounds bi-polar and he goes to see a doctor I'm really confused though.. he has never showed me this side of him and he said I am the first person he ever told about these "problems" he's having I don't want to lose him but he is pretty much going through this emotional stage where he hates the world but acts like a really nice person, its all really confusing.

I really need help because I know he can't let me go so easy because i'm having trouble letting him go.. I'm sorry this was so long but I hope you can help this is killing me and he told me not to tell anyone about this because he don't want anyone knowing he is seeing a doctor and stuff but you don't know me and him so its ok I'm sure I can trust you to help.

Dear Tamsin

What the truth is, we may never know. The point is, he's offering you a way out. Now.

While that be painful, you need to think about the alternative. You do yourself - and him - no favors by sticking around if things are going to get difficult. Let's face it, if you are thinking about a long term relationship, you are entiitled to know what's going on. And he's told you less than half a story.

On the other hand, if he's playing mind games to 'test' you, tell him to stick it.

You know him, and you know yourself. Do you think he wants you around? Do you trust him? Does he trust you?

If you are thinking of staying with him, you'd be wise to insist on the full story. But if you want out, then make it quick and don't make it painful for both of you.