Daughter Wasting Her Love
My daughter has been
in a relationship for three plus years at times she is happy at times not. They
fight all the time about stupid things on his part - he is now 25 and she 22.
She is living at home, working and going to college. He is working and
living at home also. His family Mom, Dad, brother, is well off, vacation for three
weeks in colorado skiing yearly We live, My husband, I, one now married older
sisterand two younger brothers, live paycheck to paycheck - three vacations in
My daughter is a devout Christian wanting to live her life according
to God's will. He "claims the same" but doesn't show the fruit of that
except attending church. He is short tempered, critical at times to her, irrationally
sensitive, thinks drinking and getting drunk is okay, keeps going back and forth
on pot smoking or cigar or cigarett smoking. He has called her a bitch when she
got tired of his whining Threw the remote at her hitting her in the stomach at
close range bruising her because she was trying to stop his sexual advances. Slapped
her because she slapped him, again trying to make him take no for an answer.
three plus years into the relationship he asks her to marry him and a week and
a half later he takes a girl home that he has been flirting with and she him and
has sex with two times during the night. He tells my daughter because his brother
threatens to tell, and says he is sorry, has no excuse, and that he fantisized
Please help me convince my daughter that there are better men in
the world that will respect and "Truly Love" her like she should be
loved. I belive he misrepresented himself and gradually slipped things in on her
as she fell in love with him. That he direspected her, he is weak willed and weak
morally and that the relationship is not healthy.
Not a very nice man, is he?
is, it's not up to you, and as you've doubtless realised already, the more you
work against him, the more loyal she is to him. She has to make her own mistakes
in relationships, it's out of your control.
In fact, the harder you try, the
harder it is for her, as she fears the 'I told you so' which will undoubtedly
follow. So you are actually increasing her fear and isolation - not intentionally,
but that's the effect.
He does not respect your daughter's choices, but you
must. On the other hand, you do not have to like him.
What I'd suggest is you
sit down with your family, and agree on some rules; for example, she's always
welcome, any time; he is not welcome at all. You will keep in touch with her,
but not lecture or bully her about her choices; but you will always let her know
you love her, and you will always be there for her.
It's your plan, you sort
out the details, but stick to it. the idea is to give her support, and give
her a safe way out when she finally comes to realise she needs it. You are
currently (I suspect) radiating hostility, and instilling a fear that without
him, she has no-one. And that's wrong, isn't it?
And when she does come home,
bite your tongue. no lectures, just love - remember the Prodigal Son. Not a perfect
analogy, but not far off.