Could he be cheating?
I'm 23 years old and I've
been with the same guy for nearly a year. We met a through a mutual friend and
hit it off instantly. We even did the 'I Love You' thing about a month into the
relationship. I go to school in a different city - about three hours away so I
don't quite live at home. I've been back for the past couple months and we've
pretty much spent all our time together, although sometimes I feel like he just
doesn't want to.
I've had boyfriends cheat on me in the past and although
he repeatedly tells me that I'm just paranoid and he only loves me, I can't help
but still be scared that be might be cheating.
Recently, I had logged onto
hotmail, thinking it was mine, but it had actually opened onto his account. I
was using his computer and I had even put in my address and whatnot, but I suppose
there was a glitch. Anyways, I saw the message that I had sent him earlier, and
then something from another site. The site promotes no strings, no attachments,
just sex. I haven't told him yet that I found this in his account, but this is
just rising more paranoia. Another message in the site states that he had a message
in his account. I didn't look even though I had the password.
I know he
also many female friends and again, he assures that there is nothing going on
between him and them, but the paranoia is still there. Is the past cheating from
the other boyfriends making me go so crazy? I really do and am in love with this
guy. He says and does pretty much everything right in our relationship. His family
loves me and everybody always tells me how happy we look together. So why am I
so paranoid about the cheating? Does it even sound like he IS cheating or am I
just going to extremes?
Of course he could be
cheating, and from your story, he probably is.
But that's not the problem, is
it? The problem is the unlikely event that he's NOT cheating; he cannot prove
he is not cheating, can he?
So this is all about trust.
To some extent, I'd
argue that it really doesn't matter if he's cheating or not - you don't trust
him, so he might as well be. And that's how distrust can lead to cheating ...
if you think you may be able to trust him again, then try thinking along these
With your previous experience of being cheated on, how did you find out?
Was it suspicion first, or evidence first, or just pure chance? Because what you
have to do now, is to evaluate your own fear, trust and Sherlockian abilities.
other words, are you untrusting, are you jealous, is it your problem?
you trusting, but astute and a good judge of others.
Without firm evidence,
that's your choice. And, for what it's worth, I never met a relationship that
survived reading others' emails, however accidently the opportunity came.