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My mom controls my life and son

Jeni wrote:

I have a problem ... please help. I came out from an abusive husband and I sent my son to live with my mom for a year.

My mom kept him when he was 10 years and I always kept in touch with him.Well,now the problem that I'm having is that my mom is very controlling to me and my son. She doesnt let me be a mom. My mom is 70 years old and she is very manipulative and she even took me to court to take my son away from me. She use to live me and I had so much problems because when I try to discipline my son she would stop me. She says that I'm a bad mom for leaving him with her when he was 10 years but I had too. I fear for his life because of my abusive husband. My mom never use to be so controlling.

She is so over protective over my son and she is trying to take him away from me and raise him. Right now my son is 15 years and he is spoilt and sometimes he is disrespectful. She has tolded him that if I try to be mean in anyway to call cops on me. I love my mother but she is getting out of control. She wants to take my son and control my life. Is my mother sick or have a mental breakdown. How can I stop her? I tolded her already that my son has to to follow my displine because I'm his mom but she doesnt listen. She tends to override every decision that I make and I'm tired of fighting with her. What can I do or say to her that she can understand.

Thank You Please help?

Dear Jeni

Your mother's power, your son's insecurity and your guilt all go back to when you placed your son with your mom. You did not have to leave him with your mom - you could have left with him - and you know it.

You cannot turn back the clock - you did it, and you have to live with that forever. But realise how much this hurt your son.

But the only way you can put it right, is simply by being a good mom. If you do it right, your son will learn to respect you; if you do it right, your mom can call the cops until she's tired, and it won't help her.

Stop obsessing about your mom; stop obsessing about your previous mistakes.

What matters is that your son grows up to be a good man; that's your job.

A good start might be to move further away from your mom ...

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