I want my life back

Penelope wrote :

I have literally hit a wall.

Out of high school, I was in the works to sign a record deal, and as a naive hopeful, I had big dreams for my life and was raised to believe I was gifted and had a sense that "life owed me something and would give me what I asked" ....

Well none of that happened. The record deal fell through, and after
trying to pursue a music career for three years after that, I have now
found myself soul searching....

Now I'm 22 and I have been in an unhealthy, up and down, crazy love type relationship, and in the year being with him, I let go of my dreams
and really lost my zest for anything in life.

I have found myself in and out of depression, second guessing ALL of my decisions, and worst of all, wondering what I should be doing with my life.

I work full time, and it takes so much life out of me that by the time
I get home, I don't want to think about "my life"....

My ex and I are on and off and on top of that, I can't seem to get away from him because yes, I love him, but also he is VERY aggressive in getting me back and begging me to work things out.

On top of that, I thought about getting back into music but now I have lower self-esteem, and simply, I dont even know if thats my calling anymore. I get this fear based feeling that if thats not what I'm meant to do, what am I meant to do?

I feel like I'm wasting my life away.

My question to you is how do I get a sense of meaning in my life back
and should I move away because I dont know how else I'll be strong
enough to break things off with him for good. And working full time
has drained me somewhat even though I am grateful for my job. Every
area of my life right now feels uncertain and lonely and I don't know
what to do.

Dear Penelope

You could start by not feeling sorry for yourself, and stop believing life 'owes you' - it doesn't. Your life is yours; your successes are yours, your failures are yours. You are not 'meant' to do anything; what you do is 100% up to you.

Now, if I thought for one moment you were living with clinical depression, I'd not be saying this; and if you believe you are actually ill, then ignore the above and get help.

But I really, really don't think that's the issue. Yes, you've had a disappointment. Won't be your last; life's a bitch. Yes you have a sad loser bully of an ex that you you are scared to be honest with, and he's dragging you down.

But mostly, you have had a bit of bad luck, chosen a pathetic boyfriend, and chosen to wallow in self pity. Nice for a while; very human.

But you ARE wasting your life, and you don't have to. Take it back, walk tall and get shot of the w*nk*r (if you like sad men, at least shop around for one who isn't a bully).

If you have talent, then use that talent. There's plenty of ways that you can perform; start by doing it for free, and then toe in the water for paid gigs. Even if you never do get that contract - and many, many get the half promise - you can still do what you fdo best, and have a great time.

Over to you.