I want my life back
Penelope wrote :
I have literally hit
Out of high school, I was in the works to sign a record deal, and
as a naive hopeful, I had big dreams for my life and was raised to believe I was
gifted and had a sense that "life owed me something and would give me what
I asked" ....
Well none of that happened. The record deal fell through,
trying to pursue a music career for three years after that, I have
found myself soul searching....
Now I'm 22 and I have been in an
unhealthy, up and down, crazy love type relationship, and in the year being with
him, I let go of my dreams
and really lost my zest for anything in life.
have found myself in and out of depression, second guessing ALL of my decisions,
and worst of all, wondering what I should be doing with my life.
full time, and it takes so much life out of me that by the time
I get home,
I don't want to think about "my life"....
My ex and I are on
and off and on top of that, I can't seem to get away from him because yes, I love
him, but also he is VERY aggressive in getting me back and begging me to work
On top of that, I thought about getting back into music but
now I have lower self-esteem, and simply, I dont even know if thats my calling
anymore. I get this fear based feeling that if thats not what I'm meant to do,
what am I meant to do?
I feel like I'm wasting my life away.
to you is how do I get a sense of meaning in my life back
and should I move
away because I dont know how else I'll be strong
enough to break things off
with him for good. And working full time
has drained me somewhat even though
I am grateful for my job. Every
area of my life right now feels uncertain and
lonely and I don't know
what to do.
start by not feeling sorry for yourself, and stop believing life 'owes you' -
it doesn't. Your life is yours; your successes are yours, your failures are yours.
You are not 'meant' to do anything; what you do is 100% up to you.
I thought for one moment you were living with clinical depression, I'd not be
saying this; and if you believe you are actually ill, then ignore the above and
But I really, really don't think that's the issue. Yes, you've had
a disappointment. Won't be your last; life's a bitch. Yes you have a sad loser
bully of an ex that you you are scared to be honest with, and he's dragging you
But mostly, you have had a bit of bad luck, chosen a pathetic boyfriend,
and chosen to wallow in self pity. Nice for a while; very human.
But you ARE
wasting your life, and you don't have to. Take it back, walk tall and get shot
of the w*nk*r (if you like sad men, at least shop around for one who isn't a bully).
you have talent, then use that talent. There's plenty of ways that you can perform;
start by doing it for free, and then toe in the water for paid gigs. Even if you
never do get that contract - and many, many get the half promise - you can still
do what you fdo best, and have a great time.
Over to you.