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Why does he always go back to Porn?

Fern wrote :

I am so lost right now and need help. My husband and I have been together for over six years. I have always known that he enjoyed looking at pornographic material but he assured me that it was not a turn on to him. Since being married and having a child I have had to call him on his addiction to porn. I have told him how badly it hurt and how mad it made me and of course he claimed he would stop. We have been in at least four arguments over the issue so I would have thought by now that it was resolved but about six months ago I was in the other room and noticed that when I would walk in the room he would look startled and close out whatever he was doing so I got suspicious and asked what he had been doing. He said nothing as usual and we went about our business. I decided after a few days of this behavior to put a parental monitoring system on my computer which shows me everything that is being typed and watched. I was so shocked by what I saw. He was watching porn videos with me and my children in the very next room. I was devastated. I let this go on for two weeks just to see if he would get his fill or feel compelled to come and tell me and finally I told him that I did not feel that I was adequate enough for him. I felt that he needed more and I could not give it to him. He said he was sorry before I even told him I knew. I asked him why and he told me he really wasn't looking at all that I thought. He said things just pop up a lot while I am looking at other things. I then told him that I knew everything he looked at and everything he typed. He was ashamed and asked why I wasn't angry this time. I told him that I was hurt. I can not keep getting angry because it gets me nowhere with this situation. He promised that it wouldn't happen again and reassured me that I was all he ever wanted and no other woman could come close to comparing to me. I finally thought it was over but boy was I wrong. My husband started looking at funny video's on MySpace which progressed to other sites again as it did in the past. He watched funny or stupid videos for about a month until I started noticing a change in the way he was searching videos. Instead of clicking videos he just searched. He went to all kinds of links including ones he knew would have pornographic material. This happened for a few weeks regularly even though he knows I have the computer monitoring (we discuss this sometimes because he knows I monitor my kids and my 14 year old sister). We recently bought a toy from Adam & Eve and started receiving emails from them trying to get us to purchase more. My husband started clicking on the links and now goes to the video section where he can view pictures of things in the video (porn). I am not sure if he thinks I will not be hurt because it is movies or if he just doesn't care anymore because he does not look at the description of the movie just at pictures. In fact, he will go to the videos and if the do not have pictures he will go to the next one until he finds one that does. He knows this hurts me and makes me feel like less then a woman so what can I do from here but pray? I have tried all the other options but leaving and that is not something I really want to do because everything else with us is great. Any suggestions?

Dear Fern

Why does he always go back to Porn? Because he likes it, and knows you won't stop him.

If you are honest with yourself, you know that he is not going to change. Ever. And you say you do not want to leave him, so you must establish rules; he must agree not to do this with children about, and he must be sure he keeps the computer safe from them finding his favorites by accident.

So far, you have done nothing about his addiction, except let him know that you are hurt; so he knows that he's quite safe. He has no desire to change - and knows you won't leave him.

So you must make the best of your sad choice.

But if you will not protect yourself, do at least protect your children.

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