Why does he always go back to Porn?
Fern wrote :
I am so lost
right now and need help. My husband and I have been together for over six years.
I have always known that he enjoyed looking at pornographic material but he assured
me that it was not a turn on to him. Since being married and having a child I
have had to call him on his addiction to porn. I have told him how badly it hurt
and how mad it made me and of course he claimed he would stop. We have been in
at least four arguments over the issue so I would have thought by now that it
was resolved but about six months ago I was in the other room and noticed that
when I would walk in the room he would look startled and close out whatever he
was doing so I got suspicious and asked what he had been doing. He said nothing
as usual and we went about our business. I decided after a few days of this behavior
to put a parental monitoring system on my computer which shows me everything that
is being typed and watched. I was so shocked by what I saw. He was watching porn
videos with me and my children in the very next room. I was devastated. I let
this go on for two weeks just to see if he would get his fill or feel compelled
to come and tell me and finally I told him that I did not feel that I was adequate
enough for him. I felt that he needed more and I could not give it to him. He
said he was sorry before I even told him I knew. I asked him why and he told me
he really wasn't looking at all that I thought. He said things just pop up a lot
while I am looking at other things. I then told him that I knew everything he
looked at and everything he typed. He was ashamed and asked why I wasn't angry
this time. I told him that I was hurt. I can not keep getting angry because it
gets me nowhere with this situation. He promised that it wouldn't happen again
and reassured me that I was all he ever wanted and no other woman could come close
to comparing to me. I finally thought it was over but boy was I wrong. My husband
started looking at funny video's on MySpace which progressed to other sites again
as it did in the past. He watched funny or stupid videos for about a month until
I started noticing a change in the way he was searching videos. Instead of clicking
videos he just searched. He went to all kinds of links including ones he knew
would have pornographic material. This happened for a few weeks regularly even
though he knows I have the computer monitoring (we discuss this sometimes because
he knows I monitor my kids and my 14 year old sister). We recently bought a toy
from Adam & Eve and started receiving emails from them trying to get us to
purchase more. My husband started clicking on the links and now goes to the video
section where he can view pictures of things in the video (porn). I am not sure
if he thinks I will not be hurt because it is movies or if he just doesn't care
anymore because he does not look at the description of the movie just at pictures.
In fact, he will go to the videos and if the do not have pictures he will go to
the next one until he finds one that does. He knows this hurts me and makes me
feel like less then a woman so what can I do from here but pray? I have tried
all the other options but leaving and that is not something I really want to do
because everything else with us is great. Any suggestions?
does he always go back to Porn? Because he likes it, and knows you won't stop
If you are honest with yourself, you know that he is not going to change.
Ever. And you say you do not want to leave him, so you must establish rules; he
must agree not to do this with children about, and he must be sure he keeps the
computer safe from them finding his favorites by accident.
So far, you have
done nothing about his addiction, except let him know that you are hurt; so he
knows that he's quite safe. He has no desire to change - and knows you won't leave
So you must make the best of your sad choice.
But if you will not protect
yourself, do at least protect your children.