Help teen and
so sad about the failing bond between my teen and her
dad. He is super critical of her and she is really a
good kid. I am not sure if it is a throwback to his
kids from his first marriage that are now adults but
he is very suspicious and harsh with my daughter. She
is now in counseling and is very depressed.
would not let her go to the store with him las night
because she was wearing a headband and he didnt like
it. She feels very alienated and thinks he doesn't love
her. He is constantly hollering at her .
believe kids need pocket change ever. I mean even a
dollar. Kids do good in school, do chores but, it seems
he wishes they would jsut disappear and have it be only
he and I. Never has anything nice to say to them only
criticism. What should I do , I am losing my child to
depression and I think he is a major player and he wont
go to counseling. Thinks daughter is a manipulator.
It's not clear whether he's her biological
father or not, and that makes a difference.
it's quite normal for teenagers to have a difficult
relationship with one or both parents, and also utterly
normal for them to be manipulative; it's part of growing
up, and nothing to worry about.
Nothing you say sounds
particularly unsusual to me - except your certainty
that he is to blame; why are you so sure it starts with
him, and so certain she is not manipulating you both?
you can answer that - I cannot know. But it seems to
me that if, as you say, she is depressed and in counselling,
a good start would be to talk to the counsellor and
see how you (both) can help.
I'm aware that it sounds
like I'm taking his side; I'm not - But, it is important
to try and see his side. Because if you are right, the
options are fewer, and much more unpleasant. Because
you must protect your daughter.
So start by listening
carefully to them both. Not about trivial rows, but
about their relationship. The money thing is interesting;
do you give her money? Perhaps he feels she has more
than enough from you? Do you spoil her? Have you always
'taken sides' against your partner? How is your relationship
generally with him. Be brutally honest with yourself.
need to look at the hard questions as well as the easy
ones, and realise this is a family matter, not a 'bad