I wish I felt
as happy and as strong as I seem
I don't really know how to sum up four and half years
of time in a short letter!!
But I really need
some expert advice. Because I feel that I've reached
a level that I don't know how I feel any more, but at
the same time I feel that I'm as weak as a feather in
the wind. Everything and anything can get to me so quickly.
And it's making me tensed and aggressive and such a
weeper. So please try to help me?
I'm a shy kind
of a girl, I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship
before, although I have guy friends. I didn't go into
any relationship because I get attached to people and
get hurt easily and I'm so afraid to love someone and
loose him. I study abroad away from my family. And since
I was a teenager I used to imagine that I'd meet a guy
in university and become best friends with him (so that
we'd know each other truly, because I think relationships
complicate things and each one will try to appear in
a way to satisfy the other unlike friendship) and then
fall in love and end up getting married.
years and a half ago I started university, and I met
this guy from my hometown and we clicked and became
friends and our friendship evolved and we became best
friends. I liked him from the beginning and I loved
how he used to be there for me, care, and spoil me.
And I did the same for him if not even more. And the
thing Is that he treated me differently than any of
the girls he knows, and I treated him differently than
any friend of mine. that's how he knew that I liked
him more than a friend. And he was ok with it but we
never brought the subject up me and him, and if he did
I change it. Anyways by time we started flirting from
time to time, but after that sometimes it gets awkward
between us. My friend tells me it's because I become
awkward he does. Any ways of course we had some ups
and downs in our friendship during those years but we
always use to find a way to fix it, mostly it's me who
try. But at the same time I hated the way he used to
play with my feelings, it was like as if he was playing
cold and hot. One day he is flirting and spending the
whole day and night with me and the next he passes by
me and act as if he doesn't know me. It was so weird
and I was really depressed by that and I used to react
in the same way he did. I started to ignore him and
not giving him the attention I used to give him, and
after that he started to spend more time with me!!!!
I hated it because I knew he knows how I feel about
On the other hand, he gets jealous when
I ask about a new guy or talk to a guy who isn't a friend
of his. Once we were in one of our ignoring fazes, and
I started to hang out with a new guy in university and
he saw me with him a couple of times, and suddenly he
started to ask me questions about the new guy and he
introduced himself and became friend with the new three
years younger than I am guy. So what is that
it overprotection just because I'm his friend or does
he have feelings for me and trying to keep me away from
other guys but his friends? I asked both of his best
friends about him, because both of them and I became
close. So I asked both guys about him and each told
me something different one told me that he has feelings
for me but just recently (that was like a year ago)
and because he knows about my no relationship rule and
that he kind of agrees with it, and that he thinks about
me seriously as a potential wife for the future. As
for his other close friend, he says that he thinks of
me as a sister who he cares about nothing more that's
why he backs off every now and then, cause he doesn't
want to hurt my feelings.
I swear I became even
more confused!!!! But in general things were fine between
the both of us to the extent that people use to think
that we were dating. But last semester a new girl got
in the way of our friendship!!! And during mid-semester
we had a huge fight me and him because she called me
and yelled at me because she thinks that I'm trying
to take him away from her. Although I've stopped talking
or even calling him ever since I've heard about the
new girl in the guy's I love life. which was at the
first week of the semester. We apologized to each other
all three of us. But since then I was isolating myself
from everyone I was so hurt I felt that I was replaced.
He use to come sit next to me, go to the same places
I go to but not say a word trying to get me to do something
about it. I couldn't accept what happened! For four
years I used to be the only girl he sits alone with.
The only girl talks to him all night. But now she took
The same two guy friends of his I asked
before, came up to me and the one who told me that he
likes me more than a friend said, that he and the new
girl are dating. As for the one who said that he only
likes me as a sister he told me that they are not dating.
But to me in both ways it did hurt so badly. I failed
a course, I went back to smoking (he made me quit before),
I lost so much weight; in general I was a mess.
semester I came back from vacation looking fresh, social
as I used to be, trying so hard to leave what happened
last semester behind and get over him. But he is trying
to chat from time to time and I catch him staring at
me everyday and as soon as I look into his direction
he looks away. And then he comes and passes by me pretending
that he doesn't see me waiting for me to go and talk
to him but I didn't. But lately he is talking to me
online and on the phone and even messaging me and stuff
telling me that he misses me and asking me to say hi
when I see him. So now each one of us passes by the
other and ignores the other with a smile on our faces,
each is waiting for the other to step down and begin
but none of us is willing to do it so
far. As for that girl I see her all the time but not
So tell me please
I do, I love him and I miss him, I miss what we had,
he was my first love, my best friend
I like the feeling when I see him trying to get my attention,
but I'm so afraid to get hurt again. What should I do?
Keep on ignoring him and let him try harder? Go back
to how I used to be with him before the fight? Or just
forget about him?
Also, what do you think he
is doing? Do you think he has feelings for me? Am I
just a friend that he cares about? Or is he playing
me or something?
I need to focus on my life,
it's our senior year PLEASE try to help me I'm so lost.
I don't know what to do or think anymore. And please
don't tell me to ask him anything about his feeling
about me, because I can't. I seriously can't. Tell me
the truth even if it hurts, is it love or lust?
Thanks for the detail, it helps.
problem seems horribly simple. You complain that the
guy is not showing committment to you, while admitting
that you are avoiding any kind of 'serious' relationship.
a human being; he is young. He is not going to wait
around for you, maybe in ten years time, to make a committment.
Especially with you playing mind games - because be
clear, if, as you admit, you have been frightened to
make a committment, it is you playing with his feelings.
a sad fact of life that you'll get nowhere in life if
you do not take risks, and every relationship is a risk.
It's much less of a risk if you kniow and trust your
friend, but it's always a risk; and you'll get hurt
- just like everyone else - but if you are honest and
straight, you are much less likely to be hurt.
are happy to have female friends, mostly, but such a
friend will always take second place to one who may
become a girlfriend, if she's around. And why not? Life
isn't only about your needs, others have feelings too.
a choice; Be prepared to have adult one-to-one relationships,
or accept that you have chosen to be number two. The
choice is yours!