He's given up on our marriage
Let's see where
do I begin. I am 20 years old and married to a 21 year old Marine. We have been
together for the last 4 years and have been married for almost 2 of them. We do
not have any children. I knew exactly who I was when I got married, I knew what
I was getting myself into and the sacrifices I would have to make. It was all
worth it to me. We did rush into our marriage and were barely engaged before we
were married but I love my husband with all my heart and I have never had regrets
about our marriage.
My husband is currently overseas and the only contact
we have with each other is email. Well we got into a fight about a costume that
I wore for Halloween. He told me that I shouldn't be dressing like that now that
I'm married and I didn't think anything was wrong with it because it was Halloween.
Well the fight escalated to the point where he asked me "do you think it
should be this hard?". I responded by asking him if he meant that our marriage
was hard and he wanted to leave. He told me that he didn't know what he wants.
Well after that there were several emails about him saying that we were
too young when we married and we were immature and didn't know ourselves very
well and he wants a big family and I only want a few kids and he has lost a lot
of feelings for me and doesn't feel the same way he did when we got married. Then
came the big one...He then told me that three years ago when we were off and on
dating, he slept with my sister. He also told me that someone else he slept with
which I thought was when we were broken up was actually when we were dating.
said that he wanted to tell me all this before we were married and that he regrets
everything he's ever done to hurt me. He then asked me how I felt. Well I told
him that I take this marriage very seriously and I'm not willing to give up on
us. I love him more then he could ever imagine. He responded by saying that he
really wants to make this work and he thought he was going to lose me after coming
clean with me. He also said that he was thinking about leaving me and that he
has lost feelings for me but he is willing to work on it. I asked him if he wants
it to work "forever" and all he said was that he can't predict the future
and doesn't know what's going to happen but he's willing to try.
scared that I'm going to lose him and I don't know what to do to make it better!
Help me I couldn't imagine my life without him! I know we have our problems but
all of this came to me as a complete shock because he likes to bottle up his emotions.
I really need some advice because I want to be with him for the rest of my life,
raise a family and grow old together but I feel that he doesn't. I'm so confused
It doesn't matter what you want; it takes two to make a marriage
work, and he has no interest at all. He's tried to get you to walk away by telling
you every hurtful thing he can think of, and he's even told you he's lost his
feelings for you.
What will come next?
I feel for you - you are entirely the
innocent party, by the sound of it - but you cannot force him to love you.
is one further step you can take - and that is counselling, if he's willing. But
with the level of plain speaking he's come to, I suggest you get real, and talk
to your parents. And get a lawyer. Save all the emails.