Should I tell him how I feel?
I love a man who is my friend. He is wonderful, we almost dated but
involvement from others and current health issues kinda ruined it.
I've been in a few long term relationships before as well as other
experiences in emotional attachments but this is different than anything
I've ever experienced. I admire and appreciate his best traits and
I recognize and understand his faults, I never want to find someone
I met this guy just under a year after my break-up of a 3.5 year
relationship, I am very cautious by nature with my thoughts, my affections
are not idly gifted to people but this caught me by surprise. I remember
the exact moment when we made our first direct eye contact, it was
like hitting a cement wall in a jet plane. I didnt understand it cause
he was not like anyone I had ever thought of as a potential mate,
I didn't know what I was attracted to cause he was just an average
looking guy. I wrote it off at first as a chemical/physical interest,
as I got to know him a little more personally I realized he was truly
a good person and I started to think differently about my attraction.
I did not want to get involved with anyone, I needed time to deal
with myself and my life before even considering looking for another
guy, I tried to fight it, let it go, even guilt myself out of liking
him. Nothing worked, it wouldnt go away, it grew stronger the more
I fought it. I started to analyze the situation to try and clarify
what I was thinking and feeling, every woman has a picture of her
" perfect ideal man " stored away in her head, he was as
close as I've ever experienced to that picture, almost an exact replica
physically, mentally, emotionally......
Finally I gave in and told him what was going on, he had his suspicions
which didn't surprise me, we were quite comfortable with each other
and a bit flirtatious ( understatement ). He told me that he was interested
and he wanted to think it through for a bit, I was fine with that,
I wasnt looking to dive into anything either. Just him being seriously
interested was surprising, he has turned down every opportunity to
come his way in a few years, hes looking for something with substance.
He considered our possible involvement for a few months, he finally
decided reluctantly that he did not want to get together....and I'll
tell you why. He is still very much interested, I can feel it, I can
see it in his eyes, but there is a hook in him. He is unbreakably
obsessed with a girl, she is married and he knows he will never have
her, I understand his situation, I was just giving him another option
in life. She plays the part of his best friend and she admits she
feels guilty for not cutting him loose cause she cares for him too
but not as much as her husband of course. I'm thinking she feels I'm
a threat to her situation ( 2 guys in her control )and is excluding
me from their friendship.
He does not know how much I care about him, or at least I don't think
he knows, I was calm, agreeable, friendly, forgiving and understanding
throughout the entire ordeal. Even though I will not have him I do
not want to find another, I would rather live my life empty and alone
than to be with someone who is not him. It saddens me, I would treat
him with respect, patience, appreciation, affection and dedication
for all his life if given the chance, I have learned enough about
him to know that he would do the same to who he stays with for life.
I have to leave him be now, its very difficult to stay away, to let
life and time go on, I will forgive him anything and everything but
I will never forget him and I will love him for life, until my last
breath leaves me. I do not know if there is any way to save this possible
I would be happy to remain his friend, anything to keep him as a
part of my life, but even that opportunity is being taken away, I
have tenatively decided to discuss some details with him, basically
I want to tell him I still care and to give it some time before making
a permanent decision on the possibility. I don't know what else to
do, I am being closed out of the social circle in which he is contained,
the best friend girl is the leader and controller of the group. I
feel like I should just tell him exactly how I feel before my chance
is gone, it looks like I won't keep the friendship going no matter
what I do. What course of action or opinion can you offer me? I would
appreciate any response, all input is acceptable. There will be good
pointers and harsh comments I'm sure but I am an individual who is
not afraid to see and understand the truth, 'mama never told me life
was fair......' Thank you for your time,
Unless he's brain-dead, he knows exactly how you feel.
You've been chasing him for how long? And he's said 'no' how many
Get real, kid - this is not love, it's obsession. You are not in
love him him; he's a challenge, and you won't give in because 'that
woman' will have won.
Worse than that, all this teenage crushing on a man who has rejected
your many offers is a nice excuse to avoid looking for a real relationship
with a real man.
Your choice - but you know as well as I do, that this is hopeless,
childish, and can only be destructive - to you.