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When will he come back?

Ursula wrote:

I'm trying to get over my ex-boyfriend but not really getting too far. So we went out for three years and just broke up a month ago. But the thing is, we're both pretty confused as to why we broke up. Everything was going perfectly, the only problem was a lack of space.

We were best friends before we got together romantically, and became so so close during our relationship that we kind of isolated ourselves. We're 21 and its like we were married! I see that now, and even then, but it was just hard to break the routine of our lives.

I know he still truly loves me, he has told me this many times, and we've decided to remain friends and we talk for hours almost everyday. The conversations are also ... slightly... flirty. The reason he gave me for why we broke up was that it just isn't our time - so vague. Later he said that he was probably more confused than I am as to why we broke up...

Because of all this, I can't help but think deep down that we will probably get back together again, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Should I assume we're playing some sort of game? Should I interpret his reason for breaking up to be some sort of fear of commitment?

Should I focus on becoming strong and independent but keep in the back of my mind that all is not lost? I just don't want to get hurt again. I'm not sure what to do and how my outlook should be. I really miss him and I don't want to lose him.

Dear Ursula

Be clear. You have lost him, he's dumped you. You can say "we broke up" if it makes you feel better, but he dumped you, and only he can reverse that. Sorry to be so brutal, but you need to start from where you really are, not where you'd like to be.

Do you know he truly loves you? Then why the dump?

So he's flirting ... an occasional one night stand with an ex is not the same as long term commitment.

He could be playing mind games; do you want a man who dumps you rather than discusses the real issues (assuming he can work out what they are)?

Before you start keeping things in the back of your mind, consider if you really care for this twit who doesn't know what he wants.

Do you really want a long term relationship with him? How long term? Do you really want someone who dumps you, flirts, claims he loves you, but shows zero sign of wanting to rebuild the relationship ...

Go get a real man, why don't you? He's either too immature, or too stupid.

Now there is an outside chance that you drove him away by being too clingy, possessive and marriage-intent. He hasn't the guts to tell you that, but would like to get the sex back, without the nagging. If that scenario sounds familiar ... what's to stop history repeating itself?

Face it, he's not the one.

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