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Slighted - Or Self Pitying?

Keith wrote:

Thank you for reading this letter.

I have been friends with this buddy of mine for nine years. I mentored him through his early career, shared a very exclusive publishing contract with him, enabled him to participate in judging a prestigious national contest, and travelled extensively with him, and asked him to be my best man.

This year he is getting married. I was a bit rattled to learn that in a wedding party of eight people, I was not asked to stand up. He wants me to be his M.C instead. I am quite pissed off. Am I out of line - he has other friends, but I had been ready to give him the shirt off my back at one point. I have resolved to take the high road and accept the role of M.C., since I still believe in being a good friend.

In a related event, when offered another publishing contract (a small one), I opted not to ask him to participate. I think he knows based on some of his more cryptic comment, but there is part of me that doesn't care. Part of me feels that our friendship is convenient if it advances his career, but otherwise, it is not as important as many others. I chose to share a small publishing contract with someone else. I don't think I want to put an end to the friendship, but rather keep my options open to fostering other friendships. I have assured him that a future publishing contract will include him.

Tell me honestly, am I over-reacting or am I justified in feeling somewhat slighted?

Dear Keith

First, times do change - as you say "I had been ready to give him the shirt off my back at one point". it may be that your friendship has run its course, and it's getting to be an embarassment for both of you.

On the other hand, friendships don't grow on trees, and you'd be a fool to throw one away. But you cannot carry on like this.

A lot of these things are about perception; you feel slighted - maybe he does too "I think he knows" suggests that you handled a business decision badly, and he heard through others. And you still haven't cleared the air. Isn't he entitled to feel slighted?

Friendships work in two directions or not at all. But there's zero friendship in keeping score. It's time to sort it out ... or move on.

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