Will Pornagraphy destroy our marriage?

Fiona wrote:

Dear Anon,

I don't know what to do any more let me start out by the begining. About two years ago me and my husband had a bad fight and he went to jail for Domestic Battery. I too had fault though and I tried to get him back home but the State took over and I could not do anything.

However when my husband finally came home I felt like I was walking on egg shells, I did not want to disturb him in anyway,and to avoid him in getting angry and leaving. I still today do what he wants, for example he told me that he was going to smoke marijuana and I had no right in telling him not too, that I was not his mother and he can do what he wants. I took a deep breath, tightened my teeth and said ok. after a few months he started to tell me that I was boring and lame because I don't smoke and again to make him happy I started to smoke. There were times that I pretended to be sick so I didn't have to smoke.

We started to get behind on our bills because the money was going into smoke every week. Now my biggest problem is that again he is telling me that I look old, boring, not attractive and he has no desire for me unless he watches porn.Oh boy this has been an on going arguement I don't want to be someone else that he fantasieses on to have sex, he streight out told me that he likes watching porn because the girls turn him on and I don't, that really hurt me. I found porno hidden in the house even in the attic. He told me that he is going to continue to watch it on the computer or buying it and if I still disagree that he will leave. I love him and of course I said ok.

Now he is telling me that i must watch it too and that would make him real happy. Anon I tried once I swear and I had my eyes closed, I felt disgusted and embaressed listening to it and seeing my husband enjoying it like if I wasn't even there. I have a total open sex life I don't say no to anything and even if I don't want to have sex I do it to make him happy, and of course when you say "no" he gets upset. What should I do, He tells me that he loves me then two days later he is in a bad mood.

Please we even tried marriage counseling and if I dare try to say something about the porn, he tells them it is not true and then once coming back home he got angry so I didn't say anything any more, he does the talking now and all the eyes are on me that I am the moody one, I am never happy and so on. I feel like I am getting punished for only defending my feelings and respect. We have been married for 5 years and I just realized that after that fight two years ago, he never put a hand on me again but his words hurt me alot. What is wrong here, what should I do ?

Thank you very much.

Dear Fiona

What's to love?

He treats you like an animal or a slave.

He doesn't hit you, only because he doesn't have to - you do it all his way.

You've tried talking to him, you've tried counselling. You say you love him - but it's obvious he does not love you, in fact he couldn't care less about you.

It's your life; take it back. throw him out, leave, whatever you have to do. But either get a life - or keep the one you've chosen.

There's no easy way out.