My Ex-Fiancee's Friend

Kenny wrote:

I was dumped by my ex-fiancee a year and a half ago. We were living together, we'd been together for two and a half years but if I'm honest, I could see it coming. Initially, it took me a long time to come to terms with it but I did and I believe I'm a better person for it. I then developed the not so nice approach, inadvertantly, whereby I didn't treat women with any respect and used them for what I could, which usually ended up being a one night stand. This obviously boosted my confidence no end and although I didn't like the person I'd become, I couldn't stop myself ... I didn't want to stop myself. I felt nothing for any of them and it was confusing me.

I could count the number of times I've seen my ex since the split on one hand, so it still knocks me when I see her out but she's, living with someone else and with a baby and I'm cool with that. The issue I have is the last time I saw her out, she was with a group of friends one of which has just come out of a six year relationship she had since she was in school. There was an instant attraction between the both of us and when I saw her out again, I made it known to her that I liked her, to which her reaction was a beaming smile. Since then I've seen her out and we've both chatted very flirtatiously and I'm more than convinced she likes me. Obviously I'm aware shes just ended a long relationship and shes also told me shes enjoying the single life at the minute, which is cool and I dont want to put her under any pressure but I know shes keen.

I haven't done anything with her but I'm already starting to develop these feelings, I thought I'd never feel again and havent felt since before my ex?! Up until now I've loved the single life but this girl makes me want to change that. She's luminous. The snag is (and there always is in this case) she said she cant do anything because I'm her friends ex and to top it off my ex keeps sending the occasional text message saying she misses me loads and regrets leaving me (despite being the one to finish things after cheating on me three times and having a baby with someone else!!!!) What should I do, I can't get her out of my head and I dont want to?

Dear Kenny

Isn't it time to grow up a little?

Take control of your life, and maybe make a few decisions.

You fail to choose any future, and you think you are letting your heart rule your head - that's wrong though - you are letting your penis rule your head.

Maybe once you had some understanding of relationships - but from what you've considered relevant to write, it's all about sex and using people.

Worse still, you think you are using them, and, as often as not, they are using you.

Stop playing five-year-olds games with your ex. It's not funny anymore, and there's no future. Just stop playing.

If there's genuine feeling between you and this 'other woman', thenare you both going to let your ex control your lives? Personally, I doubt there's anything there except maybe a one-night stand or two, as the attraction seems entirely physical, but why not take the time to siut down with her and find out if there is nmore than sexual attraction?

You do not say your age, but I suspect it'stime you realised that these games have no future, except increasing loneliness. Start behaving like a man, earn a little self respect, and try to respect others.

Then your relationships may last a little longer. Never confuse self esteem with self respect. the first may boost your confidence; the second will boost your life.