I Can't Wait To Wed ...
Tanya wrote:
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. He really is amazing,
about two months ago he moved into my condo with me and things have been
going great. I mean I really haven't been happier in my entire life. But
lately I have been thinking a lot about getting engaged and married. I
swear I feel like I want it all right now!
I was in an abusive marriage and relationship that ended almost three
years ago. And before I meet him, I didnt belive you could feel so happy
and loved.
But I dont know why my head/heart wants it all so fast. Why mess up something
so wonderful or rush something so perfect to jump into the next phase.
Whats my problem and how do I get on with normal thinking (stop day dreaming
about a wedding, stop looking at rings on the web, ext...)
Thank you for your advice even if its something I might not want to hear!
Dear Tanya
There's two issues here; one is your haste - the other is the reason
for it.
First. The Haste. Stop it. The whole point of a wedding is that
it joins TWO people - not one; TWO. That's not the same as one plus a
lot of pressure and emotional blackmail.
Marriages go on as they start; if you start on the slide, you'll keep
right on sliding. You say you were never happier - I don't wish to be
cruel, but what about last time?
You owe it yourself, as well as him, to make this one different. Better.
The Best. So slow down. Every decision should be "We" not "me,
me, me" - Yes, the wedding day is yours - but the marriage is BOTH
of you - or it's doomed.
Second. Why?
My guess is that you cannot help thinking about last time. You remeber
the pain, you've forgotten the happiness - and you fear you will repeat;
you fear you don't deserve him you fear you don't deserve happiness. So
you want to grab it now, before it slips though your fingers.
But that's not right. Happiness - lasting happiness - is not about luck;
you deserve hapopiness as much as anyone else - but you have to earn it,
just like anyone else, too.
If you care for him, and he cares or you, that's half the battle. The
other half is respect; does he respect you? I hope so!
Do you respect him? Enough to share your life? Then share it. Think "We"
at every step, and you'll never go wrong.
It really is not about luck, good or bad - your future is in your hands,
so take very good care of it.
Good Luck!
| 
