He's Hit Me ... TwiceNiamh wrote: Dear Anon, I've
been married for two years. I'm 32, my husband is 40. I am in graduate school
and he has a high pressure job in which he works long hours. Our marriage has
been very rocky for the past few months, we argue constantly over everything,
family, finances, cleaning the house. It has gotten to the point where my husband
has hit me... although he regrets it and has apologized. He did not promise me
that he would not do it again and was defensive about the reason for doing it,
saying that he was so angry he could not help himself. This is the second time
he has hit me in our relationship, once it was a long time ago and he apologized
for it. At this point, I am unsure if I can trust him not to hit me unless
I avoid arguing with him about anything but then again, what is the point of a
marriage if there is no communication? He gets angry at me if merely ask him a
series of questions. I am thinking that if we do not do something soon, we will
be headed for a divorce. What is the best way to go about it if we still want
to give our marriage a chance? Should we have a trial separation? Should we seek
counseling, religious or otherwise? Should we use self-help books? Should we seek
individual and couples' counseling? I am at my wits end and feel so alone and
afraid to ask my friends and family for help for fear they will tell me to leave
him. I would appreciate any advice you might be able to offer. Sincerely, At
a crossroads Dear Niamh, He hit you once; he said he was
sorry. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. He hit you again; he said he
was sorry. You live in fear. There is no doubt now - he will hit you again.
And you know he will; even if you give in every time. He will hit you again. You
must leave him, now. By all means keep talking, by all means go to joint counselling.
But do not go back until he has had help for managing his anger. And when he
hits you again, go to the police. You know you cannot spend forty years
in fear, you know you can never trust this man with your children. Leave
him. Then plan your next moves. | 
