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Last night he threw stuff

Beatrice wrote:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about five months and we work at the same place. He gets so mad because my small of my back shows when I lean down to get something and he thinks that all the other men employees we work with hang around me and when he gets here they leave. It is part of my job to be helping the other employees and he might not understand it too well.

I do know that I stopped talking to my ex who is the father of my daughter for my boyfriend because he felt that my ex treated me like dirt so there is no need to talk to him with the exception of my daughter, yet he still talks to his ex who treats him like dirt. I don’t care when he talks to his ex because I know that it is part of being a parent.

He keeps telling me that I am the one that has changed and that he wants it to be the same as it use to be. He just doesn’t understand how much I love him and he is scared. He tells me this and so I tell him not to be scared because I wont leave him I love him deeply and I don’t know what to do about his jealousy.

He is driving me crazy. Last night he got upset because I wanted to go spend some time with my daughter and he wanted to spend it with me so he threw stuff and left for a while.

How am I suppose to deal with someone that gets so angry over stuff that is not a big deal?

How do I deal with someone that wont change for me but I change for them?

Please write me back I am in need of some advice.


Dear Beatrice

A little bit of jealousy is perfectly natural, and simply shows that someone loves you and fears losing you.

This is waaaaaay beyopnd that, and is a serious problem.

But be clear: it is not your problem, it is his problem. Worse, he is trying to make it your problem by his behaviour.

That's bad enough - but that would be your choice. Now, however, he has gone beyond that, he is frightening your daughter, and worse still, his actions are threatening your daughter. By existing, she stands in his way, and he has shown that he cannot cope with that.

He has gone too far; your priority has to be to protect your daughter - and you also need to consider your own safety.

This man has not accepted that he has a problem, and therefore he is out of control.

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