Should I Have That Baby?
Well I have been with my man for four going on five years. He has
always taken care of me and treated me with the most upright respect
and I him.
Last year I was informed I have cervical cancer, and that the chances
of us having children is almost non-existent. Although God works in
mysterious ways. So he has been talking about trying to have a baby
a lot lately, and I'm fine with that it's just I'm scared of trying
for no reason.
For the first two years of our relationship he talked of marrying
me all the time, now when we talk of it he say's he's still waiting
for the right time to ask.
I am growing impatient. I know I should respect the fact that he
is waiting for the perfect time. I just wonder when that is?
I'm so afraid that my cancer will get worse and could possibly be
fatal as time goes by because I've had it for three years already
and so it makes me want to get married and have a child to carry out
another generation. Is that so wrong? I love him so much, and I know
he loves me just the same.
Please help me
There are several isssues here, and while they do overlap, it is
vital that you do not confuse them.
First, you have cancer. You do not say how serious it is at this
time, nor what you are doing about treatment. Neither do you say how
your boyfriend feels about this.
Second, you want to be married, and are frightened that your boyfriend,
who has been less than enthusiastic, has been further scared by the
Third, you say you want a baby, but you are not sure if this is to
please the boyfriend and engineer a marriage, or as a revenge against
This is a bad time for you, and - as you know - I cannot give you
an easy way out, there just isn't one. But there are things you can
do. It is always important to be in control of your life - and your
destiny, now more than ever.
First, the doubt about the cancer needs sorting. Get the best advice,
get the best treatment, and go for it.
Second, your boyfriend is a coward, and you really don't need a wimpy
idiot around you just now. There is never a 'right time' to ask someone
to marry you, and discussing a 'right time' but not discussing marriage
is a coward's way of saying "I do not want to marry you".
To be fair, he probably never wanted to marry you (Don't be hurt
- and you are not surpised - a lot of blokes are like that. It happens),
but now he feels trapped by your cancer, as he does not want people
to think he's abandoned you at this time.
None of that matters now; get rid of him. By all means have that
'ultimatum' conversation, but, frankly, I'd not bother. Get rid, there's
plenty of better men around.
All this means no baby at the moment; but unless you were desperate
to have one (and I don't think you were), that's for the best. Pregnancy
and cancer treatment do not go well together; you may not be able
to conceive, as you said, and having a baby is a poor way to keep
a bad man, and really is not a way to 'beat cancer'.
To summarise, at this time in your life, you need people around you
who care, and do not radiate fear. You need clarity and simplicity
Go for it - and take my best wishes with you.