Husband is a Drug Addict

Laura wrote:

My husband, of two separate marriages, is a drug addict. He has been doing drugs now for 10-12 years. I knew that he smoked pot occasionally, but I did not know the extent of his addiction until this year. He also has a problem with crystal meth and cocaine apparently. We were married the first time for 2 ½ years. We’ve been married this time for 2 years.

During our separation(3 years), he apparently did cocaine and crystal meth on a weekly basis. When we got back together, he told me that he had been doing meth, but no longer wanted to do it. I witnessed his withdrawal symptoms and assumed he was done with it. After months of him lying to me about EVERYTHING, many traffic accidents, and the inability to keep a job for more than two weeks, we separated.

Our separation happened when our daughter was five months old(Jan 2005). During my entire pregnancy, he rode out unemployment and raged when I asked him to get a job. I went on bedrest a few days after one of his episodes. He never hit me but he yelled for hours and hours and sometimes would back me into a corner. He was never satisfied until I was on the ground crying. I filed for divorce in April of 2005 after he charged at me with our baby slung under his arm. We do not have a court date until Jan 2006.

My question is this... he went to rehab in Sept 2005 for two weeks. He claims to be healed. He said that he hasn’t done drugs since. I have a hard time believing that someone who has had such problems could be miraculously healed after two weeks.

I think he is looking for a place to live and wants to be with our daughter. He just got a job and is begging for another chance. I know that being a family would be important for my daughter but I just don’t believe that he has really changed.

My family has no experience dealing with addiction or people with his magnitude of problems. Is it possible he has really changed? or is he just looking for someone to take care of him?

Dear Laura

It is always possible that he has changed - but it's much, much too soon to know, and the fact he is so overconfident is a very, very bad sign.

It is impossible to generalise absolutely, but coming off drugs is not a matter of physical rehab - it's about learning to live a completely different life. And that takes commitment, courgae , effort - and support.

If he believes he has done it all after a couple of weeks detox, then chances are he's a liar or a fool - or he thinks you are stupid enough to believe him.

Prove him wrong. Stay in control of your life, and protect your daughter. Even if a miracle has happened (and all things are possible), he still needs time - and so do you.