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Dating Someone going through a divorce

Beatrice wrote:

I have recently begun dating someone going through a divorce. I actually began a friendship with him first, but very quickly it became so much more. We are crazy in love with each other, and he told me he was madly in love with me and loved me with all his heart within two weeks.

I of course feel the same way.

Over our short time period, we've begun talking about our future, where he wants to marry me and have children and I feel the same way. I honestly believe he does truly love me. I have never loved anyone so the entire situation is scary. As much as I know I sat down and focused on the logical aspects of being involved with him, I couldn't figure out a logical reason not to be with him. He means everything to me, and as much as he says he also thought long in hard about getting into a serious relationship with me, ie making sure he wasn't on the rebound etc, and how much he displays his love for me, I'm just scared that he perhaps may be on the rebound.

Is this because I have never loved anyone, and grew up in an abusive household? I never thought anyone would ever love me, as love was never abundant in the household I grew up with. Sometimes I think that perhaps he should have some real space to really analyze if he really wants to marry me, but I am afraid that my own fears of love is what may end up making me distance myself from him.

Please help, he is the love of my life. Despite the harshness of the divorce, we get along so well, and we are not only in a serious relationship together, but we have this amazing solid friendship that created the relationship.

'A life lived in fear is a life half lived' - Strictly Ballroom

Dear Beatrice

I find myself wondering which planet you live on.

He hasn't yet got rid of his previous wife, and yet within two weeks, he is in love with you 'with all his heart'. Hello? Hasn't it occurred that he is a little swift with his changes?

You 'of course' feel the same way. Huh? No choices then? No ability to make up your own mind?

And he wants to marry you. Until then the next fool comes along, or until death do you part?

"I couldn't figure out a logical reason not to be with him." How sweet. And could you think of a single logical reason to be with him?

You refer to feer several times. I'm guessing that a bit of good sex, and you've got into a situation that you cannot get out of. You want me to convince you that all's well, because you know, deep down, that you have nothing.

What really scares you? Being alone? Hurting him with the truth? Marrying him and then a divorce? What?

He has the "excuse" that he's stressed out by the divorce - which he clearly cannot cope with. You are lining your "abusive home" defence. Sorry; but that's in the past. You are not fated to repeat history, you have a choice.

He needed you to reaffirm his ability to pull (divorce famously emasculates weak men). Okay; you've done that. Now think of your needs. Before it's too late.

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