Dating Someone going through a divorce
I have recently begun dating someone going through a divorce. I actually
began a friendship with him first, but very quickly it became so much
more. We are crazy in love with each other, and he told me he was
madly in love with me and loved me with all his heart within two weeks.
I of course feel the same way.
Over our short time period, we've begun talking about our future,
where he wants to marry me and have children and I feel the same way.
I honestly believe he does truly love me. I have never loved anyone
so the entire situation is scary. As much as I know I sat down and
focused on the logical aspects of being involved with him, I couldn't
figure out a logical reason not to be with him. He means everything
to me, and as much as he says he also thought long in hard about getting
into a serious relationship with me, ie making sure he wasn't on the
rebound etc, and how much he displays his love for me, I'm just scared
that he perhaps may be on the rebound.
Is this because I have never loved anyone, and grew up in an abusive
household? I never thought anyone would ever love me, as love was
never abundant in the household I grew up with. Sometimes I think
that perhaps he should have some real space to really analyze if he
really wants to marry me, but I am afraid that my own fears of love
is what may end up making me distance myself from him.
Please help, he is the love of my life. Despite the harshness of
the divorce, we get along so well, and we are not only in a serious
relationship together, but we have this amazing solid friendship that
created the relationship.
'A life lived in fear is a life half lived' - Strictly Ballroom
I find myself wondering which planet you live on.
He hasn't yet got rid of his previous wife, and yet within two weeks,
he is in love with you 'with all his heart'. Hello? Hasn't it occurred
that he is a little swift with his changes?
You 'of course' feel the same way. Huh? No choices then? No ability
to make up your own mind?
And he wants to marry you. Until then the next fool comes along,
or until death do you part?
"I couldn't figure out a logical reason not to be with him."
How sweet. And could you think of a single logical reason to be with
You refer to feer several times. I'm guessing that a bit of good
sex, and you've got into a situation that you cannot get out of. You
want me to convince you that all's well, because you know, deep down,
that you have nothing.
What really scares you? Being alone? Hurting him with the truth?
Marrying him and then a divorce? What?
He has the "excuse" that he's stressed out by the divorce
- which he clearly cannot cope with. You are lining your "abusive
home" defence. Sorry; but that's in the past. You are not fated
to repeat history, you have a choice.
He needed you to reaffirm his ability to pull (divorce famously emasculates
weak men). Okay; you've done that. Now think of your needs. Before
it's too late.