Is my marriage over?

Rose wrote:

I'm glad I found your web site - I guess I need some outside advice.

My husband and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We've been married for about three months. We also have a two year old boy.

Now these problems go back a while. My husband got a DWI last Thanksgiving- now that's not the problem but it's the fact that he hasn't changed at all from the expensive experience.

He has a BAD drinking problem. He likes to drink beer all of the time. Now I like to drink and have a good time - but not get plastered every night.

Also, I have a good job. I work every day and he can't even hold a steady job. I'm only 23 but I've already started worrying about the future- you know normal things like Life Insurance- etc.

Anyway my job is an hour away from where we live so I found a house in the town I work in and rented it. I think that the town we live in now is causing a bunch of his drinking- he doesn't have any good friends - they all just like to drink a lot.

I know this is bad for my son to be around and for me as well. My husband doesn't always stay in such a great mood while he's drinking. We've been arguing a lot - sex life has basically stopped and I don't feel like I even want to be around him any more.

I think getting married was a big mistake. Like I said I'm 23 and he's 31. I feel like I am the mother of two boys - and I feel like I'm the one who's 31 and he's 23. He doesn't want to move but I feel like this might be the only thing that will change him and our horrible life together.

I've told him I'm doing it with or without him. let me know what you think- PLEASE. Is it even worth trying to work out?

Dear Rose

Thanks for giving all that information - but it's what you do not say that suggests the marriage probably will not work.

You do not say how much you care about him, and whether you really want the marriage to work. And you do not say why you married him in the first place.

Don't think that moving home will solve anything; it won't. There are bars and buddies everywhere, and bottles when the bars are closed. If you want to sort this out - one way or another - first you need to decide what you want, for you and for the child.

Then you need to discuss it with him. If you want to give him 'another chance', then he needs to understand what this means, and you will need to support him through professional help.

But first, be clear in your own mind what you want - and what you are prepared to do to reach your goals.

Good Luck.