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Love? Infatuation? Obsession?

Leanne wrote:

The night I turned 21 I started dating an 18yr old. At first I was iffy about our age differance but he was such a wonderful person that I did not care. I was surprised at how quickly I fell in love with him and he said that he had never loved anyone as much as he loved me.

For 8 months were together every minute of every day and every night. He said that he never wanted to wake up next to anyone else and I felt the same.

Then one night he came home and told me that he had thought about asking me to marry him but that he had never seen himself ever getting married. He said that he was just like his father, who after 27yrs of marriage, left his mother and 5 kids without warning.

Then he left me and said that he felt like he just needed to be alone. It has been a month since he left me. I asked him if he still cared and he said that he could not explain it but no.

He said that he really wants to remain in my life as a friend but then he calls me every night to tell me good night, no matter where he is. I cry every night and can't seem to let go of him. I still love him. I can't help but wonder if he got scared and ran or if he did just stop loving me.

How can I make myself stop loving him?

Dear Leanne

You can't. But you can act the adult about it. From what you say, there was no warning; so it's all in his head - his problem, not yours.

Point is, it's over; even if he came crawling back tomorrow, it won't work, the spell has been broken. Twit, isn't he?

What you can do - must do - is tell him to stop calling, and move on. it won't be easy, but it will get easier.

Trouble is, once you stop blubbing on the phone, feeding his warped ego, he will come crawling back.

I strongly advise you to tell him to go away; but you'll have to make your own decision; just don't forget: The Spell Has Been Broken.

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