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I Don't Want to Date Separated Men

NJ wrote:

I met a separated man on line. He has been separated for only 3 months and married for 19 years. He is moving forward with a divorce and going through a mediator. When we first met he made a comment about looking at on line dating as a "buffet" and in his situation he should ... I don't knock him for that comment because we are both "searching" for that right person.

I don't want to date separated men ... more risks than the usual. I met him because I enjoyed his emails and just wanted to "get out" and have some male companionship. I didn't expect to be attracted to him. I did end it pretty quickly and told him " to have fun and when your done with your buffet and want a fine meal maybe we can get in touch:)."

Which is how I feel, however, I initiated contact with him a few weeks ago ... I was thinking about him a lot ... and we had a second date. We both had fun ... a future date was suggested during the evening ... but who knows if it will ever transpire.

He does know I am interested but he also knows that I am holding back and won't get involved with him at this point. He is actively dating and so am I. Should I stay in touch with him? I know the ball is in my court ... I guess I will find out what he is all about ... looking for "one" thing or looking for the "real" thing.

Thoughts? I'd appreciate it ... Thanks so much

Dear NJ

You don't want to date separated men. And you know why. You don't say what you mean by 'risks' - but you know.

Just because you've fallen for this chap does not change those risks one bit. And you know it.

The only question is "is he worth the risk?". The only person who can answer that is you. But you can't, because you've already lost the ability to make an objective assessment, haven't you?

Nothing I say will change anything; but you're hoping I'll make you feel better. But I can't. He was married for 19 years; he's known you a few weeks. There's a lot of baggage, a lot.

That doesn't mean it won't work - just that the risks are exactly the same as they were on day 1.

Good Luck!

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