I can't get my man to marry me
Ok, heres my story. I was dating a man for 2 ½ years.
The first year was wonderful as were the others but, he stopped talking
about a certain subject. When we were first together we talked about
getting married. Nothing definite just talked about it. I wasnt
in a hurry but, I did want to get married again sometime. He knew
this and he agreed that someday we would get married. But, like I
stated he quit talking about it.
Its not like it was the subject of every conversation or anything
like that. I think he became afraid of marriage because of his past.
He was married for 17 years and felt he was betrayed and hurt by the
divorce. Anyway, when I would bring up the subject he would always
tell me that he didnt see us in a long term relationship.
This hurt me very much because in my mind we were in a long term
relationship already. So, this went on for about the last year of
our relationship. Then last July 2004 I finally gave up. I threw everything
I had on the table with him. I stated that I didnt think we
were moving forward, we were doing less things together and I dont
know what else to do because he wouldnt talk to me about his
feelings. So, he broke up with me.
I was really, really upset. Yet we did get together about 3 times
until September 2004. We had an incredible evening together and I
dont think I have to spell it out here. Anyway, in the morning,
I asked him are we dating or what? his response was I
wouldnt say were dating. Well, long story short, I made
up my mind that morning that that was it for me. I couldnt take
So, jump up to November and I met somebody new. We were having fun
and getting to know each other. Well around the new year, the ex boyfriend
contacts me and wants to talk. Says hes been thinking
about a lot of things and realized he made mistakes. I was shocked.
This sent me into turmoil because I didnt know what to do. I
ended up keeping both men at bay for about five months. I know this
is crazy but, I really didnt know what to do.
I loved the ex but, was afraid of getting hurt again and the new
guy, I felt really bad because he was trying so hard to keep things
together. I finally started going to a counselor to help me clear
my mind and that I did. I came to realize that I really do love the
ex and want to work things out with him.
As it turns out, from the last time I talked to him which he said
he had to move on because he was an emotional wreck, which was about
10 days before things became clear to me. He met somebody else. Its
now been about a month and he told me that hes in a committed
relationship and that he loves her already. Which I cant blame
him after feeling like hes been stomped on and pushed away for
Now I dont know what to do. Do you think theres still
a chance for us? He had stated in the past months that I was his true
love, the one for life, the one he wants to spend the rest of his
life with. That is the reason why Im writing you. How do you
turn all that off in 10 tens? Enough for now. Thanks for letting me
get this off my chest. Im really curious about somebody elses
Trouble is, you don't listen. You make up your mind about what you
want - which seems to be marriage - and you just don't hear anyone
else's view. I'm guessing you'll keep asking the same question until
someone backs up your pre-set ideas.
So I cannot help you. You trash all your relationships, the minute
they stop moving toward the aisle. It's a shame; there's more in life
- just look what you've thrown away!
My advice is simply slow down. Don't be frightened of being alone;
don't be frightened of a great relationship that isn't going to end
in marriage. If you cannot shift marriage from your target list, then
have the courage - and the sense - to walk away from relationships
that are not going there.
No man will be forced into marriage (especially after a failed one),
and the harder you push, the less likely it is to happen. Instead
of trying to twist relationships your way, learn to read them, and
if they don't cut it, move on.