Will a baby bring us back together?

Terri wrote:

My boyfriend and I are both in the military. We met a year ago during a hardship tour. On our first date we both experience "love at first sight!"

And were even more pleased when we talked all night about our future hopes and dreams. We both fit the description of our dream husband and wife. Needless to say we have been seriously dating ever since.

I had to move back to the U.S. and he had to extend overseas for another 18 months due to job requirements. While we were together we both had busy schedules but, he notably worked more long hours than I did. I didnt really consider it a problem at the time because I was content spending every night together.

Right before I left I started to feel a little lonely because we were not able to spend enough quality time together in preparation for the extended separation. So I convinced him to take a five day vacation with me. He agreed to go but did not help me plan the trip and worked literally hours before we got on the plane.

We went on vacation, but he never seemed to fully relax and let go of work. He was always seemed preoccupied with work and even made calls back to the office. There were even times when he seemed to having nothing to talk about unless it was work related. We even got into an argument because he didn't like the activities I planned and I reminded him that he refused to take part of the planning process. His excuse was that he was too busy working. As I started contemplating break up with him, he finally profess his love for me. Rejuvenating my hope in a happy future.

Increasingly more and more in our relationship he uses his work or the military in general as an excuse for his behavior. I remind him that I am in the military to but that if something is important to you, then must make time for it and prioritize. He thinks that I am too "needy" and will never be satisified.

When we returned from Hawaii we went to visit our families in the D.C. area. Previously we had planned to meet each others parents and spend as much time together as possible. After we arrive in D.C. I barely saw or heard from him. In fact, I had to drive over two hours round trip just to briefly meet his father. And he even conveniently got "food poisioning" the day he was supposed to have dinner with my parents. I was so hurt
and angry that I was ready to break up with him. He complained that things were moving "too fast" and that he felt "out of control." I still dont understand that. We have been planning our future together from
the first day we met and now he is upset?

We have been dating for six months now. The first three months we lived together. Everyday he would ask me if I was pregnant and talk about having lots of children. When I would tell him that I wasn't pregnant
he would express disappointment. When I first moved away he even talked about getting married when he got back and talked about baby names for our future children.

However, the past two months have been terrible. He rarely calls, e-mails or writes. He said that he "wasn't sure if marriage or children is a good idea," and blames the sudden change on an increased workload. He claims that he still loves me and is not seeing anyone else. He says that he wants to maintain the relationship as long as I dont fuss at him for not
calling, etc.

I still love him and am scheduled to visit in Sept . I was even contemplating having a baby to seal the deal on commitment. My mother thinks that he has cold feet and needs the extra push and that is why he wanted the baby to motivate him. He is very traditional in the roles of men and women in marriage and does not believe in divorce. We are both never married with not children. We are both Christians and want to have
children within the commitment of marriage.

My questions are; Can my relationship survive his workaholic behavior? Will a baby help improve my relationship and promote marriage?

Thanks and sorry so long

Dear Terri

It's over. It's Over. IT'S OVER.

It was nice while it lasted, but it didn't last.

Babies are not designed to be used as blackmail tools - it won't work, and you'll resent your child forever. Your mother may be insane.

IT'S OVER - move on, find someone who wants more than sex.