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When Friendship Met Hormones

Ingrid wrote:

My best friend and I have been very close for two years now, even though he's a guy and I'm a girl. Recently, though, he's been forgetting times we planned to hang out, or just completely rescheduling other things during those times.

In order to fix this problem, I've been attempting to consult him ahead of time to find a time well in advance so we can plan around it. This still doesn't work. He never answers the phone anymore when I call, but I'm not sure if he's ignoring me or not home. Now he's hanging out with his ex-girlfriend, somebody who he tells me he isn't really friends with, that she can be annoying, etc. Why can he find time for his ex but not for his best friend of more than two years?

I don't want to be angry with him, but it hurts when the person I trust more than anything is placing me beneath somebody he supposedly isn't close to anymore. Please help me. I'm frustrated beyond belief at what is happening.

Dear Ingrid

You don't give a lot of info about your two year best friendship, but I think there's probably three possibilities here;

  1. Friendships are not cast in stone, they don't live forever; you may have been best friends two years ago, but that's a long time; nothing has recently renewed the relationship, which is dead - and you've chosen to pretend it's still alive.

  2. Opposite-sex best friends can work, but rarely do (I've seen the movie, too). You thought you were best friends; he wanted more. Now he's got bored, and moved on.

  3. You are still good friends, and probably always will be. But you are not joined at the hip; you are always there, opportunities come and go. His hormones are calling. If you are really a friend, you'll give him space, and know he'll be back. You don't begrudge him a good time, do you?

Any of them ring a bell? No? Then why not do the sensible thing ... talk to him. He'll tell you.

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