In Laws at War

Shirley wrote:

MY DAUGHTER RECENTLY GOT ENGAGED TO A LOVELY YOUNG MAN. THEY WILL BE HAVING AN ENGAGEMENT PARTY (GIVEN BY HIS FAMILY) AND MY HUSBANDS AND MY FAMILY WILL ATTEND.

THE PROBLEM IS THAT MY HUSBAND'S SISTER AND HIS PARENTS HAVE NOT SPOKEN IN 3 YEARS AFTER A MAJOR ARGUMENT INVOLVING HER CHILDREN.

WE WANT TO INVITE BOTH PARTIES, BUT MY MOTHER IN LAW SAYS SHE WILL TURN HER BACK ON HER DAUGHTER WHEN SHE SEES HER FOR NOT REACHING OUT SOONER.

MY SISTER-IN-LAW SAYS SHE WILL COME ALONE (WITHOUT NEW HUBBY AND KIDS) AND PROBABLY CRY.

HOW CAN I AVOID ALL THIS DRAMA, PLUS THE HEARTACHE BEFORE AND AFTER, AND STILL INVITE EVERYONE THAT WE LOVE? IT SCARES ME TO THINK ABOUT THE SHOWER, WEDDING ETC.!!!!

Dear Shirley

What kind of human being uses a family wedding to vent their evil on others?

Your daughter and her husband to be will have to make that decision, not you. You can tell them what you think - and I'm sure you have - but it is their wedding, and they have to decide how much they will allow selfish relatives to ruin it for them.

They may decide to give conditional invitation; to invite none of them, or to invite them all, with an unspoken understanding that that if they try to ruin the wedding - or the marriage - they will have no place, then, or ever again. I know what I'd do with anyone as spiteful as these people seem to be, but it's not my decision, or yours.

By the way, if you look to the left of your keyboard, you'll see a button marked "caps Lock" - experiment with it. It's cool.