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Infatuated with older men

Helga wrote:

I'm a twenty-year-old college student who finds older men very attractive. I think it's really strange that I'm consistently infatuated with only men who are at least a decade or more older than me and am wondering if such a preference could be problematic.

Recently, I have developed a rather embarrassing crush on one of my professors with whom I'm on friendly terms. I was talking to a friend yesterday and told her I would consider hooking up with my professor if he ever showed any interest in me and she said such hook-ups are pretty common at out university. When I asked her if she would do it, she said yes providing that it helped her grade!

Please understand my university is extremely cut-throat competitive (the second most selective ivy league) so this sentiment isn't rare (although that doesn't make it any less culpable). Anyway, I don't think I have any ulterior motive for finding my professor extremely attractive so would it be wrong if something happened between us?

Of course this is purely speculative but I was just wondering if I consider a relationship with my professor if things develop in that direction? Also, what keeps making me fall for older men? Is it common?

Dear Helga

On age; it doesn't really matter; it may be that you are a little frightened of relationships, and you feel safer with older men; it may be that there's issues about your previous relationships with older men, including your father, that are having some subconscious effect. But there's always subconscious issues affecting your choice of friends, age is just one factor, and by no means the most important. it certainly isn't rare, and is a phase for certain less confident women, rather than a permanent interest

On using relationships to get what you want; of course it happens; the casting director's couch, the teacher's store room ... what they all have in common, is that the junior partner (usually the female), rarely gets what she wants, and usally ends up hurt, cheapened, humiliated and lonely. Yes, it might help your grades. But it might ruin them, if oit doesn't work out.

On power figures; his power may be the attraction, and however much you care, you might lose him his job, his friends, and his wife.

What worries me most is the way you are making such a cold calculation; I hope I've helped you to make a choice based on the possible profits and the risks. If it feels a little like prostitution, it's probably best to move on, however.

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