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Secretly in love but confused

Philippa wrote:

Hi anon,

Well I might sound like a juvenile with this but I seriously need a much wiser person's advise and opinion. Well, I been on a "no string attached" or "friends with benefits" with a guy that I met at university.

I started talking to him since I was 19 and now we both are 22, and even though it might seem unbelievable, but we never had slept with each other. What we had was more like a innocent thing based only on hugs and kisses and because of that I have fallen in love with him.

I have told him that I had feeings towards him (not that I was in love with him) and he told me that he felt the same. However, I started to believe that he is playing with me since me and him have been in just in that on and off kind of things and he hasn't taken us more seriously, but sometimes I wonder if its because his religion (we come from different religious backgrounds) or becaue he his just playing with me, but now Im not that sure that he was playing with me..and this is why I say this. Not that long ago we were at a club and both of us got a little drunk ... when he decided to take me home ... before he drove me home we were making out and we almost slept together, but HE stopped it.

I was surprise and shock when I heard that from him, because I started thinking thats what he was after, but I guess wrong. Once that happened I thought things would changed between us, but it hasn't. Things still remained the same, he still acts sweet, we still call
each other once in a blue moon, and he still calls me sweet names.

The only one that has changed has been me because I feel confused about this situation. I'm secretly in love with a man that is really difficult to understand. The few times we speak I would love to talk to him about this but I'm embarass to bring it up.

What should I do? How should I approach him? Why do you think he stopped it? Do you think that he feels at least half of what I feel towards him?

Dear Philippa

I'm wondering why this relationship never developed in the first place. Was that you, or him? You come from different cultures; do you know if he has made commitments elsewhere, or maybe his family have expectations of him? Have you discussed the cultural differences? Have you discussed a long-term friendship ...

There are so many gaps in your story - and maybe in your understanding of this relationship - that it really is difficult to get a handle on what's going on.

Do you have other male friends? Does he have other female friends? You half suspect he's playing with you ... does he think you are playing with him?

I think there's really only one thing to do. Talk to the fella!

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